


Drunk Clarke

by KellyDeaux, LesbihonestGuys



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Death, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:23:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5504594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellyDeaux/pseuds/KellyDeaux, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbihonestGuys/pseuds/LesbihonestGuys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We're at a mutual friend's party and you're so drunk that you try to hit on me, then spill your drink on me and vomit on my shoes and I guess I have to take care of you now" AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've already posted this story on Fanfiction but I wanted to post it again here. So if you've read it already, well just read it again XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also posted on FF 
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

"I just don't understand why I have to come." Octavia rolled her eyes at Clarke who was still complaining about the party. Lincoln decided to throw a party and of course Octavia had to go considering it's the perfect opportunity to get drunk and make-out with her boyfriend.

"Because you need to loosen up and get over that douchebag." Octavia said as she glared at Clarke who glared back playfully. "I'm being serious, Clarke. You need to get back out there." She came to sit down next to Clarke on the bed and held onto her hand.

"It's just really hard, you know? It's not easy to just get over it." Clarke felt tears threatening to come out. Finn was really a dickhead and Octavia and Clarke both know that he didn't deserve her.

"I understand that it's not easy but you have to at least try." Octavia had been there for Clarke when Finn cheated on her. They'd been together for 2 years and she found out he was cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, Raven. That was 3 months ago and the blonde was still hung up on it.

"I'm trying! I am but I guess there's no one that's made me feel better yet." It was kind of true but to be honest with herself Clarke was avoiding finding someone new. She didn't want to get hurt again; she knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it. The pain from Finn was too much for her.

"Try harder."

—————

"You're a dickhead." Lincoln let out a loud laugh as Lexa threw a plastic cup at him. He caught it and poured some Whiskey knowing that it's Lexa's favourite.

"I know but you're clearly my best friend for a reason, Lex." The brunette rolled her eyes before walking over to Lincoln and grabbing the drink gulping down the whole cup. She sat on the counter as she watched Lincoln set up. "At least help me, gosh."

"Nah, I'm good here. Just be glad I'm here, dickhead." Lexa said as she poured herself more Whiskey. She was here because Lincoln forced her. At least that's what she tried convincing herself. She was truly here to get drunk and end up waking up with a hot girl in her bed to hopefully help her forget about Costia.

"You're here because there's Whiskey." The brunette let out a chuckle before sighing and taking another sip watching Lincoln hide away all important and fragile things. "You ok?" He asked as he stood leaning against the couch with folded arms.

"I'm fine." He gave her a knowing look and slowly walked over to her leaning against the counter next to her.

"Answer it again, this time be honest with me." Lexa looked up and bit her bottom lip. She was trying to hold back her tears. It happened 8 months ago yet it still hurt like a bitch whenever she thought about it. Her ex-girlfriend, Costia who she had been with for just over a year was in a car accident. And she didn't make it out alive.

"I should have been there." Lexa said as she let out a single tear. Lincoln turned his body to face her and put his strong hand on her shoulder.

"Every single thing that happens in this life is for a reason. And I will be here with you when you figure out the reason for this. All this pain will be gone soon. Trust me." Lexa gave him a small, appreciating smile before sighing again and wiping her tears away.  
The party was in full swing. Of course nearly every single person was already drunk. Some were scattered around the house mostly in the kitchen playing beer pong. Most people were in the pool making out. Surprisingly, Lexa wasn't drunk yet. She didn't feel like fucking a random chick tonight. She just wanted to think. She's been avoiding the pain for a while but it's time to embrace it. Clarke on the other hand was refusing to embrace the pain. She was drunk as hell and didn't give two fucks at the moment.

"H-Hey there, sexyyyyy." Lexa raised an eyebrow at the blonde who approached her stumbling and gripping onto Lexa's arm. "Whoa, those biceps feel so good." The blonde said in shock as she squeezed Lexa's bicep again. She looked at it and poked it slowly before giggling as she hiccupped and accidently spilled her drink onto Lexa's shoes. The brunette looked down at her now ruined shoes with a sigh. This isn't going to go well.

"Umm, thank you? I guess…" The blonde shushed Lexa with her index finger to the brunette's plump lips. The blonde leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear.

"I think I'm going to puke." She whispered before pulling back and vomiting all over Lexa's already ruined boots. The brunette groaned before holding back the blonde's hair as she let it all out. "Clarke is very sorry about that." The blonde said in a hoarse voice as she looked up with vomit smeared over her mouth. Lexa sighed and took out a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the blonde's mouth before picking her up bridal style earning a squeal and giggle.

"I'm Lexa and I'm going to take you home, Clarke." Clarke sighed happily as she laid her head on Lexa's shoulder. The brunette began moving to the front door before Clarke whined earning her attention. "What? Did you forget something?"

"I lost my Vodka." She cried out as she tried getting out of Lexa's arms. The brunette tightened her hold before rushed out of the house. "Put me down!" Clarke said as she began hitting Lexa's back. The brunette rolled her eyes before tossing Clarke in her car and shutting her seatbelt. She then went to sit in the driver's seat and shut her own seatbelt. "I'm tired." Clarke yawned before closing her eyes.

"No, no no no, NO! Don't fall asleep. Tell me where you live first." Lexa asked as Clarke opened one eye and narrowed it slightly.

"Why?" Lexa let out a breathy laugh as she pulled out her phone.

"So I can drive you home and make sure you're safe." Clarke suddenly started crying hysterically at Lexa's words. The brunette reached to the backseat and got a box of tissues. "What's wrong now?"

"Finn used to make sure I was safe." Lexa sighed before texted Lincoln to come out to her car. He must somehow know this girl so he might know where she lives. "Until I found out that bastard was cheating on me." Clarke slowly moved to lean her head on Lexa's shoulder who sighed once again. Lexa moved her hand to Clarke's back and uncomfortably tapped it.

"There, there. You're going to be ok." She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Lincoln walk out with Octavia wrapped around his waist.

"Oh, it's just Clarke. Take her to Octavia's place." Lincoln said before grinning down at Octavia who was giggling with a cup of Vodka in her hand.

"Ok, whatever." The drive was filled with Clarke crying and mumbling words of hatred towards Finn. When she finally stopped, she turned on the radio earning a glare from Lexa. The blonde then turned to face Lexa with a grin on her face. "What?"

"You're so hot. Like ridiculously hot. I mean those muscles and those lips and eyes and…" Lexa cut her off by slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Stop." Clarke giggled as she licked Lexa's hand who groaned and moved her hand wiping it on her jeans. She came to a stop and got out of the car before moving to Clarke's door. She opened the door and lifted Clarke once again. "Do you have the keys?" Clarke furrowed her brows as she dug into her small purse and pulled out her keys. Lexa opened the door and walked up the stairs knowing where Octavia's bedroom was. After getting Clarke out of her clothes and tucking her in bed she lay down cuddling her hoping it will get her asleep faster.

"I didn't think I'd ever get over him." Clarke said staring into Lexa's eyes. Her eyes trailed down to her lips. "Help me get over him." She mumbled as she slowly leaned in. Lexa's breath hitched when she felt their lips brush. And suddenly they were gone and she opened her eyes to find Clarke passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

The sun woke the blonde beauty who groaned in pain and grabbed her throbbing forehead. She can barely remember last night. She can only remember glimpses of her acting really clingy and emotion in someone's car. Clarke slowly opened her eyes and shut them tightly as the light blinded her.

"Morning." A voice that was definitely not hers startled her as she jumped and fell off the bed with a groan. The mysterious voice let out a sigh before chuckling slightly. "There's asprin and water on your table." Clarke looked up to see the brunette from last night.

"Hi." Her voice was hoarse and Clarke visibly cringed at the sound. What the hell did she do last night? She was only wearing her underwear. At the realisation, her eyes widened and she looked up to see the brunette shaking her head.

"You puked on my shoes at the party so I took you home. That's it." Lexa said with a small smirk. Clarke just looked at her with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Are your shoes ok?" Lexa let out a laugh and nodded her head. She walked over to Clarke and held out her hand. The blonde took it and stood up with Lexa's help. She sat on the bed and grabbed the asprin.

"My shoes are fine but they smell of your puke, unfortunately." Clarke giggled and swallowed the asprin with a cringe. She hated swallowing pills; they always feel like they're stuck in her throat for hours. "You did however, spend the entire night on my left arm which has been numb for a while now." The blonde gave her an apologetic look before slowly standing up and clutching her head. Her eyes widened before she ran to the bathroom and puked. Lexa sighed before following her to hold her hair back.

"Ugh. I hate the aftermath of drinking. It takes away the fun." Clarke murmured before standing up and rinsing her mouth. She then brushed her teeth and turned to look at Lexa.

"What?" Lexa let a small chuckle out at the sight of Clarke with fuzzy hair and a toothbrush hanging out her mouth. Clarke gestured her to leave as Lexa nodded and walked out the bathroom shutting the door on her way out. 30 minutes later Clarke gets out of the bathroom in her towel after taking a much needed shower. She got changed and went downstairs. The smell of pancakes filled her nose. "Pancakes?" The blonde grinned at Lexa who was smirking as she put a plate of pancakes down on the table. There were two other empty plates and another plate filled with chopped fruit. There was also syrup and butter on the table.

"Surprised you're still here." The brunette gave her a small smile as she sat down and gestured for Clarke to do that same. Once they were both seated, Lexa put a few pancakes from the plate onto Clarke's plate and some on hers. She then grabbed the syrup and poured herself some on top of her pancakes.

"Syrup?" Clarke nodded as she watched the brunette pour syrup over her pancakes. She then put some raspberries and blueberries on top of her own pancakes. Clarke looked at Lexa with a confused expression as the brunette put oranges on Clarke's pancakes.

"How did you know I love oranges?" The blonde asked her with a shy grin on her face. Lexa looked up at her with a smirk.

"You reeked of orange vodka last night." Clarke was slightly surprised and also a little impressed that Lexa payed attention to how she smelt last night let alone actually remembers it. "You gonna eat or just continue staring at me like that?" Lexa pulled Clarke out of her daze as she snapped her fingers in front of her face.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." The blonde picked up her knife and fork and took her first bite. A moan immediately left her throat at the taste. Lexa shifted uncomfortably as she tried ignoring her dirty thoughts of Clarke moaning. "That tastes so amazing. How do you do it? Are you some kind of pancake God?" Lexa laughed at the blonde before taking her own first bite.

"I'm pretty sure it only tastes good because you're hungover and hungry." Clarke let out a small giggled before taking another bite. Lexa then got up and opened the fridge pulled out the orange juice. She got out two glasses and poured both of them a cup of orange juice.

"You're amazing." Lexa chuckled as she smirked at Clarke before sitting down. They both ate in silence as they stole glances at each other not being able to hold themselves back. Minutes later they heard a groan from outside the door and watched as an extremely hungover Octavia walks in stumbling as she dropped her bag. She was followed by Lincoln.

"Oh my god! You guys had sex!" Octavia screamed out with a squeal ignoring the blushes on the two girls' faces.

Of course Octavia had to be the one to walk in on the pair having breakfast. How else would she see it as? Clearly it looks like the pair slept together and Lexa stayed the night and woke up in the morning making them breakfast. The accusation of sleeping together got them both blushing a deep red.

"We didn't have sex, O. Shut up." Clarke rolled her eyes as she took her last bite of the pancakes. Lexa was frozen in her spot. She didn't expect Octavia to come back to her apartment so early.

"Then why the hell would Lexa stay overnight let alone make you breakfast? She's the hit and run type." Clarke wasn't shocked to hear that Lexa is all about one night stands but she was slightly shocked at the soft pain in her heart at this information.

"Nice to see you too, Octavia." Lexa finally broke out of her stance before standing up and taking both her and Clarke's plates. She put them in the sink with their cups before starting to wash them. "Me being a nice person, I stayed to make sure Clarke was ok. She is your best friend after all and I'd rather not get on your bad side." A small frown appeared on the blonde's face realising this could have been the only reason Lexa stayed. She murmured something about going to the bathroom before leaving the kitchen.

"We both know that's not the only reason you stayed overnight, Lex. Now make me more pancakes." Octavia said as she sat down and took the last pancake. Lincoln decided to help Lexa with the pancakes and walked over to her.

"So, you like this girl." Lexa rolled her eyes as a slight blush crept its way to her cheeks. Lincoln let out a chuckle knowing Clarke was already having a good impact on his best friend. "Wanna talk about it?" Lexa shook her head as she cracked an egg into the bowl. Lincoln raised an eyebrow before nodding and drying a plate. After a few seconds Lexa sighed and Lincoln had a victorious smirk on his face.

"We almost kissed last night. I know she was drunk but I felt something, Lincoln." Lincoln nodded reassuring her that he was listening. The brunette began whisking the mixture and turned back to see Octavia sleeping with her head on the counter. She let out a small chuckle at the sight before turning back to the pancakes. "I'm scared." Lincoln nodded as he wrapped an arm around Lexa's shoulders.

"I know. But I will be here every step of the way. Let yourself be happy. Please." Lexa wiped away a tear before washing her face before turning to Lincoln. "I'll take over." He said as Lexa gave him a smile and walked off to Clarke's bedroom. She knocked on the door before walking in. The blonde was sitting on her bed looking through her phone. Lexa went to sit next to her on the bed and saw her looking at a picture on her Instagram. It was image of her with a slightly long-haired guy kissing her cheek.

"Is that the guy you were getting drunk over?" The blonde nodded as the tears continued falling down her cheeks. Lexa put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her head into her neck. Clarke broke into a full sob as she gripped onto Lexa's shirt. Lexa's heart ached at the sound of Clarke crying. She was completely and utterly screwed when it came to Clarke, already.

"He cheated on me. With one of my best friends. Raven." The brunette froze at the familiar name. One of Octavia's friends was Raven Reyes. Who Lexa just happened to have slept with once. Or twice. "And now she's with Finn and turned into a massive bitch. So I lost a best friend and my boyfriend." The blonde groaned out as she moved off of Lexa's shoulder and face first into her pillow.

"Well. They're both clearly extremely massive dicks if they let a gem like you slip." Lexa said with a small smile as Clarke slowly lifted her head to look at Lexa. Her eyes were filled with hope.  
"Do you really mean that?" Clarke asked her as she sat up. She sat with her legs crossed in front of Lexa who mimicked her actions.

"Yes, I really mean that. And the only way to let go of massive dicks like them is to delete them. From everything, including your social life." Lexa said as she gestured to the phone still open on Instagram. Clarke slowly grabbed her phone and with a soft sigh she deleted the picture.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it, Lexa." The blonde pulled Lexa into a hug. Lexa shut her eyes and sighed as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. She felt amazing in her arms. 

"I have a feeling we'll be great friends." Lexa suddenly froze as she felt her heart drop. She was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

One word that Lexa hated from now on is the word 'friends'. It was such a horrible word that crushes so many people's hearts. And it crushed Lexa's heart knowing she had no chance as she was now 'friends' with Clarke Griffin.

"Alright, Lexa. I get it; you're hurt but that doesn't mean you get to lie down and listen to Drake all day. Get up." Lexa groaned and threw her pillow at Lincoln. The muscular brunette caught it with ease before throwing it back hitting Lexa in the head. He walked over to the bed and pulled the sheets off of her to find her in her tank top and shorts. 

"Come on loser, we're going shopping." Lincoln said in a high-pitched girly voice. The pair stared at each other for a few seconds before cracking up in laughter.

"That always gets me." Lexa breathed out with a laugh before she sat up with a sigh. Lincoln sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Lexa leaned into him and sighed once again.

"Look, just because she said you're friends doesn't mean you don't have a chance. Octavia and I were friends before things escalated." Lexa rolled her eyes and punched Lincoln in the chest. He let out a groan.

"Friends with benefits doesn't count." Lincoln let out a laugh before standing up and holding out his hand for Lexa to take.

"Come on. Let's go to the gym and then gain everything back at Taco Bell." Lexa hesitated before grabbing his hand and standing up. Lincoln always knew how to make her feel better.

—————

"Clarke, get the fuck up bitch!" Octavia jumped onto Clarke's bed and pulled the sheets off of her face.

"No." Clarke answered curtly before pulling the sheets back to their original position. The brunette rolled her eyes before pulling the sheets again to reveal Clarke's grumpy expression. "Octavia. Go away."

"No." Octavia mimicked Clarke before lying down on top of Clarke. She rested her head on her chest and looked up at her. "Just call her."

"No! Are you crazy? If she was interested she would have called but she hasn't called me or even texted me in 3 days, O. 3 days!" Octavia let out a laugh before sitting up on the bed.

"Maybe because you told her that you'd be great friends. Friends." The blonde groaned before sitting up next to Octavia. "Come on. Let's go let off some steam and eat our sorrows away."

—————

Lexa and Lincoln walked into the gym after they finished getting changed. Lexa was wearing a sports bra and shorts while Lincoln was wearing at tank top and shorts. Lexa immediately walked over to the punching bag. Lincoln rolled his eyes before following her. Lexa picked up the boxing gloves and immediately began beating the bag letting out her frustrations. Lincoln stood leaning against the wall watching Lexa. She had an angered expression on her face as she punched with all her might.

 

"You done yet?" Lincoln asked after a few minutes. Lexa had slowed down her punches as sweat was trickling down her body. She nodded before letting out one final punch and taking a deep breath. Lexa moved on to do a few pull ups. She jumped up and gripped the pole before suddenly stopping in her tracks. Her eyes turning into saucers and Lincoln followed her eyes to find two familiar girls walking into the gym.

"This cannot be happening right now." Lexa groaned before ignoring them and huffing. She immediately starting doing pull ups in a fast pace. Lincoln patted the brunette on the back before walking off to his girlfriend and her best friend.

"Since when do you come to the gym?" He asked Octavia as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. The brunette giggled before turning around in his arms and leaning up to place a soft kiss on his lips. Clarke rolled her eyes with a small smile on her face. She was happy her best friend found happiness for once. Her eyes trailed around the gym before they landed on Lexa. Her mouth practically watered at the sight of Lexa pulling herself up. Her biceps were bulging and her abs were on full display. Sweat dripped down her body as she breathed in and out fast with each pull.

"Snap out of it, Clarke. We came here to get over her. Unless you want to get under her?" Octavia said as she raised her eyebrows suggestively. The blonde smacked her arm before walking over to the treadmills. She set it at a slow pace to start off. She began jogging with her eyes set on the brunette doing pull ups. Lexa stole a few glances at the blonde before her arms began giving out. She dropped down and took a deep breath before flexing her biceps slightly. She then heard a loud crash and turned to the side to see Clarke on the floor holding her elbow. Lexa ran over to her and kneeled down.

"You ok? What happened?" Lexa asked with worry in her eyes. She grabbed Clarke's elbow and saw that it was bleeding. She sighed before standing up pulling Clarke with her. "Come on; let's clean you up." They began walking to the changing rooms were there was a first aid kit. Clarke sat down while Lexa brought the first aid kit.

"I slipped." Clarke mumbled as Lexa pulled out a tissue. She went to go wet it before coming back and dabbing it on the cut.

"You slipped?" Lexa said in disbelief with a little chuckle. "I'm gonna need a little more detail than that, princess." Clarke grinned slightly at the new nickname before looking down.

"I was running. Well it was more like jogging. And I got distracted and tripped over my foot." Lexa listened with interest as she nodded her head and grabbed a large band aid.

"Well, what did you get distracted by?" Lexa asked as she grabbed the alcohol in the first aid kit. She opened the lid and poured a little on a tissue. Lexa then dabbed it on the cut earning a few hisses of pain from the blonde. "Sorry." She said with an apologetic smile before putting the band aid on the cut.

"I saw you and got distracted." Lexa raised an eyebrow before sitting down on the floor in front of Clarke wrapped her arms around her knees.

"You saw me before you got on the treadmill. So how did you get distracted by seeing me again?" Clarke sighed before blushing slightly. Lexa looked up at her with a smirk.

"You…well it's kinda funny a little isn't it?" Lexa nodded with that knowing smirk plastered on her face. "Am I good to go?" Lexa shook her head with the same smirk. "You flexed your biceps." Lexa starting laughing immediately earning a smack from the blonde.

"What? You're the one who said that it's funny, didn't you?" Clarke blushed before rolling her eyes. Lexa then raised an eyebrow before holding her arm out. "Was it something like this?" Lexa said in a husky tone as she flexed her bicep. Clarke's breath hitched as she clenched her thighs together. Biceps were clearly her weakness and Lexa had figured this out. She pulled out her other arm and did the same with a wide smirk on her face.

"I-umm-gotta go. I'll see you later." Clarke stuttered out before standing up and rushing out leaving Lexa grinning while looking down.

—————

"See? She so has a thing for you!" Octavia practically screamed out. Clarke covered her mouth with her hand.

"Shhhh. She's literally right there." Clarke said as she gestured her head back. Lexa was currently working out her abs on an ab crunch machine. Clarke was trying so hard not to look because she knew if she did she wouldn't be able to stand anymore. This girl was driving her crazy.

"I've never seen you like this. I mean I get it; she is pretty damn hot. If I wasn't with Lincoln I would so go for it. But you're literally melting right now." Octavia said with a laugh. The blonde groaned as she took a sip from her water bottle.

"Back off, O, she's mine." Octavia stared at her in disbelief.

"We came here to get over her and suddenly she's yours?" Clarke froze at her sudden possessiveness. She rolled her eyes and flipped Octavia off. She then walked to the changing rooms to get ready to leave. "Alright then. Let's go eat our sorrows."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

"I believe Taco Bell was part of the deal." Lexa said to Lincoln who rolled his eyes in return. They got into his car after putting their bags in the trunk. "I think I have a chance, Lincoln." Lexa said once they started moving. Lincoln glanced over at her before keeping his eyes on the road.

"How so?" He asked with a small smirk on his face. He clearly saw the way Clarke fell for her. Literally.

"She slipped because I flexed. And you should have seen her in the changing rooms when I flexed again." Lexa exclaimed with a small smile. Lincoln looked over at smiled at her while shaking her head.

"Don't get your hopes up. Octavia did once mention to me that biceps are Clarke's weakness." Lexa rolled her eyes as she took her phone out of her pocket. She began scrolling through Instagram until a particular image caught her eye. It was Octavia's new picture of her and Clarke posing and leaning on each other. Both of them were in their gym clothes and it was a mirror selfie. Lexa sat staring at it in silence before she decided to comment. She put 3 heart eyes emojis with 3 fire emojis.

—————

"Oh my god. Why didn't you tell me Lexa had Instagram?!" Clarke smacked Octavia's arm that was driving. Clarke heart fluttered slightly at Lexa's comment before clicking on her name. To her disappointment, Lexa's account was private.

"Just follow her already." Octavia said as she rolled her eyes. Clarke took a deep breath  
before clicking the 'Follow' button.

"What if she doesn't follow back?" Octavia shrugged before stopping at the red light. She turned to the side to look at Clarke.

"You still get to creep on her pictures."

—————

"DUDE! She just requested to follow me." Lexa shrieked out as she quickly opened up the app. She clicked the green tick before following Clarke too. A few second later Clarke accepted the request. "Who the fuck is that?" Lexa growled as she scrolled through the pictures to find a few of Clarke with a curly-haired guy. Lincoln leaned over to see the picture and smirked.

"That is Bellamy Blake. Octavia's brother. Who I've been told is desperately in love with Clarke." Lexa practically growled before locking her phone and folding her arms. "You look ridiculous with that pout on your face." Lincoln chuckled before turning left and tried to find a parking space. Lexa punched him in the arm before putting her phone back on to scroll through Clarke's Instagram. "Stop creeping on Clarke and get your ridiculous butt out of the car." Lincoln said as he stepped out of the car.

"Shut up, dick." She answered back with a small smile at the sight of Clarke holding a puppy with a big grin on her face. She stepped out of the car and shut the door before following Lincoln inside Taco Bell.

—————

"She's following me! Oh my god!" Clarke squealed before clicking on Lexa's profile. The latest picture was a picture of Lexa with a playful smirk on her face flexing out on arm. It was captioned 'Gainz' with two flexed bicep emojis. "Oh my god she's so goddamn sexy." Octavia let out a loud laugh before she parked the car.

"Stop being a pervert. Come on; it's time to eat away our sorrows." Clarke locked her phone before getting out of the car and following Octavia. Once they got inside and began walking to the counter she froze.

"Oh my god. No way." Clarke gasped as she saw Lincoln and Lexa standing in line both wearing tank tops showing off their arms. Her eyes trailed down Lexa's body as she felt herself getting warmer by the second. The brunette had this effect on her and it was addictive yet embarrassing at the same time.

"Oh god this is priceless." Octavia laughed before walking over to them with Clarke following her. They stood behind them in the line as Octavia poked Lincoln's sides. He jumped slightly before turning around with a glare on his face. The glare disappeared as a grin found its way there.

"What are you doing here?" He said as he leaned down kissing her cheek and hugging her. 

"You just can't get enough of me, can you?" Octavia giggled and nodded into his chest. Clarke and Lexa simple stood there trying to look anywhere but at each other. Both of them had similar blushes on their faces trailing down their necks.

"Uh, hi." Lexa said with a nervous chuckle. Clarke grinned slightly before biting her lip and looking up at Lexa.

"Hi." Now they couldn't keep their eyes off of each other and they gazed into blue and green. The blonde tried to control the smile that was creeping its way onto her face. She didn't understand how she felt so free when she was around Lexa.

"Once you two are done staring at each other do you mind finding us a table while we get the food?" Lincoln snapped them out of their gaze with a light smirk on his face. Lexa cleared her throat before walking off gesturing for Clarke to follow her. They walked in silence both biting their lips nervously. Once they found a table at the back they rushed to it and sat down.

"So." Clarke said with a soft smile on her face. Lexa looked up at her with a nervous grin on her grin.

"So." Lexa answered back as she scratched the back of her neck. She leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms out above her head with a yawn. Noticing the blonde's eyes on her arms she smirked slightly before slowly putting them down flexing the entire way down.

"Stop it." Clarke giggled out slightly as Lexa chuckled. They sat there laughing together and enjoying each other's company for a few minutes while waiting for Lincoln and Octavia to come with the food. "You're so sweet on the inside aren't you?" Clarke asked with a sly grin on her face. The brunette lifted one eyebrow and let out a breathy laugh.

"Hell to the no, Princess. I'm the toughest and most badass person you've ever met." Lexa said as she leaned across the table to get closer to Clarke. The blonde mimicked her actions and grinning staring into her eyes. Lexa's eyes trailed down to Clarke's lips before she looked back up to see encouraging eyes. They both slowly began leaning in before a loud sound broke them apart. Lincoln had slammed down the tray with a smirk on his face

"I'm sorry. Did we interrupt something?" Lincoln asked earning a smack on the arm by Octavia. They sat down and ate sharing embarrassing stories from their past. After around an hour they decided it was time to leave.

“Clarke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

"Clarke?"

"Oh shit." Octavia murmured with an angry expression on her face. She stood up and stood right in front of the long haired boy. "I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to talk to you, fuckhead." Finn rolled his eyes before looking back at Clarke with hope in his eyes.

"Clarke. You look good." He said with a small smile. The blonde looked down with a frown on her face. How was she supposed to deal with this situation right now? Lexa growled slightly before glaring at Finn.

"You're damn right she looks good. Because she's done with you. Now do you mind getting out of my face before I bust open that lip of yours?" Finn raised an eyebrow glaring at her before folding his arms.

"Why don't you make me?" Lexa stood up quickly and grabbed his by his shirt lifting him up. He let out a squeal and shut his eyes waiting for a hit.

"Lexa?" Her eyes widened at the familiar voice. She turned her head to the side to find Raven looking at her with lustful eyes. Lexa dropped Finn and scratched the back of her neck looking at anything but Raven. The smirking brunette moved closer to her before standing right in front of her.

"Hi, Raven." Raven giggled as her hand trailed up and down Lexa's arm before stopping at her bicep and squeezing slightly. Clarke's eyes widened with fury and jealousy as she glared at Raven's hand.

"What the hell? How do you know each other?" The blonde said as she stood up. Lexa looked at her with a look of sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Clarke." Clarke looked at her with a confused expression on her face before stepping forward.

"What's going on, Lexa?" Raven smirked before moving her hand to Lexa's cheek. Her soft touch was declined as Lexa moved her head away.

"Clarke. Nice to see you again. So you've moved on to Lexa now, have you? Have you banged her yet? Gosh I miss that little sound she makes right before she's about to cum." Raven said closing her eyes with a smirk on her face. Clarke gasped as tears threatened to leave her eyes. She looked over at Lexa and found her staring at the ground.

"Lexa?" Clarke said asking for clarification. The brunette looked up at her with a guilty look on her face.

"Clarke. I didn't even know who you were back then. It was meaningless." Clarke shook her head before running out. "Clarke! Wait!" Lexa said as she ran after her.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Octavia asked glaring at Raven who simply smirked at her. Lincoln held onto her arm to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.

"Excuse me? Miss? I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Octavia glared at the man in uniform before grabbing her stuff and rushing out followed by Lincoln. Raven giggled before grabbing onto Finn's arm.

"I can't fucking believe her!" Lincoln sighed as he held onto Octavia's hand. She was rushing to the car but stopped when she saw Lexa and Clarke in a deep conversation. She sighed as she turned to Lincoln. Clarke has the keys. Let's just take your car." Lincoln nodded before they began walked to the car.

—————

"I'm so sorry, Clarke. I wanted to tell you earlier. I just didn't know how." Clarke shook her head in disbelief as she leaned back against the car. She crossed her arms across her chest and refused to let the tears fall. "Clarke, please. Can we work this out?"

"I just don't understand why you did it." Lexa sighed before scratching her neck. The blonde looked up at her and found tears falling down her cheek.

"I was in a bad place at the time. That's a story for another time. Can we just try move past this? Clarke, I really, really like you. I believe we can be something special. I don't want to ruin that before we even had the chance." Clarke sighed as she opened the door and signalled for Lexa to come inside. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Lexa put the radio on.

"I want you to be mine again baby." Lexa quickly changed the channel cursing God. "It was nice to, nice to know ya, let's do it again. How we did it on a one night stand. Boy, I wanna be more than a friend to ya" Lexa groaned again before changing the station once more. "Girl. You're the one, I want to want me." Lexa turned off the radio and sat back in her chair glaring up at the ceiling. Clarke let out a soft giggle as she shook her head slightly and stopped at a red light.

"What's so funny?" Lexa asked with a teasing glare. The blonde's giggle turned into a loud laugh. Lexa looked at her with a content smile and began chuckling softly.

"The whole world wants us to freakin' hook up." Clarke said between long breath intakes. Their laughter died down as they stared into each other's eyes nervously. Lexa's eyes trailed down to the blonde's lips as she slowly began leaning in pausing every few seconds to see Clarke's reaction. The blonde's eyes were on her lips as she leaning forward. Before their lips could meet a loud horn startled them, pulling them away from each other. The traffic light had turned green.

—————

"So. Here we are." Lexa said with a nervous laugh. She looked over at Clarke who was biting her lip while staring ahead. She was currently parked in front of Lexa's apartment building. The brunette waited for a few seconds for Clarke to say something but she was met with silence. She sighed before unbuckling her seat belt and looking at Clarke one last time. "Uh, see you around." She stepped out of the car and shut the door. She began walking away.

"Wait!" Clarke called before stepping out of the car. The brunette turned around to meet her eyes. Clarke bit her lip nervously as Lexa scratching the back of her neck with a small smile. "Text me." She said with a smile before getting back in the car and driving off leaving Lexa smiling like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

"What's gotten you all cheery today? I'm guessing things went well with Clarke?" Lincoln said with a teasing smirk on his face. Lexa rolled her eyes at him as she failed to hide the grin taking over her features. That grin was quickly becoming a permanent feature the more she thinks of Clarke.

"I don't know, Lincoln. I mean, you could say that things didn't go too bad but they didn't go well either." Lincoln stood up and walked over to the fridge with a sigh. He opened the fridge door as his eyes began scanning the left side where the drinks were. He grabbed two beers and shut the fridge before walking back and throwing a beer at Lexa's lap.

"Let it out, lezbro," he was silenced with a smack on the head. “Ouch."

—————

Clarke couldn't let her mind drift to any place but the land of Lexa. That girl was slowly beginning to take over her life without even trying. She couldn't even concentrate on a single thing Octavia was saying as they cuddled up on the couch watching Friends.

"Clarke? Did you go back to Lexa Land again?" Clarke groaned at Octavia's teasing voice. she nodded with a small smile and a sigh as she looked at her phone. Octavia grabbed her phone and scrolled to Lexa's number. "Text her. Now." Clarke rolled her eyes before grabbing the phone and staring at Lexa's name. She didn't know what to do; she didn't want to mess up their relationship before it even began. But she was still angry at Lexa.

"Octavia, she slept with Raven. Multiple times. How the hell am I supposed to look at her without picturing that?" The brunette sighed as she wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder. "Besides, I told her to text me. And she hasn't."

"I think you just need to text her. Start off slow." Lincoln said as he took another sip of his beer. Lexa rolled her eyes at him before chugging the can and crushing it. She aimed for the bin with one eye open before throwing it in.

"How can I start off slow when all I can think about is kissing her? Gosh, I can't even look at her without dirty thoughts taking over my head." Lexa groaned as she threw her head back against the couch. Lincoln grabbed his phone and began texting Octavia.

To: OBabe  
Babes? We need 2 do sum thin about this. Lex is bein annoyin.

"Lincoln, I don't know what to do." Lincoln turned to face her.

"Text her."

To: Muscle Man 3  
Ik. Idk what to do; Clarke is still upset about Raven.

"O, she just texted me." Clarke said with a grin on her face. Octavia sighed in relief before grinning and texting Lincoln.

To: Muscle Man 3  
Well done baby ;p

"So? What does it say?" Octavia leaned over to see over Clarke's shoulder.

From: Lexaaa  
I'm sorry.

There was a moment of silence between the two girls before Clarke began typing back.

To: Lexaaa  
It's fine.

From: Lexaaa  
You sure?

To: Lexaaa  
No.

From: Lexaaa  
Can I call you? I miss your voice.

Clarke couldn't hide the grin that crept its way onto her face. Octavia shook her head as she texted Lincoln.

To: Muscle Man 3  
Smoooooth

Clarke stood up and walked to her bedroom before her phone began to ring.

"Hi." Clarke bit her lip as she fell back on her bed.

"Hi." Lexa answered with a grin.

"So…"

"So…what you wearing?" There was silence that was broken by laughter. They laughed together uncontrollably for a few seconds before it died down. "Too soon for that, huh?" Clarke let out a giggle as she shook her head slightly.

"Just a little bit early for that." She said as she bit her lip and closed her eyes taking in Lexa's voice.

"I miss you." Lexa whispered as her husky voice sent shivers down the blonde's spine.

"I miss you too." Clarke said taking a deep breath.

"When will you be ready to see me?" Clarke could hear the hope filled in Lexa's voice. A teardrop escaped her eye as it dripped down her cheek.

"I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

It's been two days since they've spoken last. Both the girls couldn't stop thinking about each other wanting to talk to the other but not knowing what to say. To say they were devastated would be an understatement. Lexa had never felt something this strong since Costia. Costia was a sensitive subject when it came to Lexa; she was her first love. She'd been in love with Costia since they were 16 and then went on to date a year later. Costia was there for her for 5 years before she died in a car accident while Lexa survived. She didn't take it too well as it resulted in bringing back her mental health issues from the past. It almost resulted in a suicide but Lincoln was there to help her through it.

"Black coffee and an orange spice iced coffee…Lexa?" The brunette was pulled out of her daze as she stood up and walked over to the counter. She pulled out her money and grabbed her drinks putting the cash on the table.

"Thanks." She gave the cashier a tight smile before sighing and making her way out with her eyes glued to the floor. She wasn't feeling up to anything today but she thought she might as well pay Clarke a surprise visit. Clarke seemed to always make her feel better so she should at least try and see if visiting her will cheer her up.

—————

"See, what I don't understand is why Emma loves Hook. He's a goddamn idiot and cares about nothing but himself!" Octavia rolled her eyes at Clarke before turning to watch the show.

"She doesn't love him. She loved Regina and we all know it! The writers just refuse to let the two main, strong female characters to be together and please half the freaking fandom." Clarke nods in agreement as she grabbed another handful of popcorn. Octavia's phone pinged with the sound of a message.

From: SexYLexA  
Hey, O. Is Clarke at your place?

Octavia grinned as she stole a glance at the blonde who was currently stuffing her mouth with popcorn. She managed to snap a quick picture of Clarke and snorting trying to hide her giggle.

"What's so funny?" Clarke said looking at Octavia with curious eyes. The brunette shook her head and sent the picture to Lexa.

"Nothing. Lincoln just sent me a funny joke." Clarke narrowed her eyes before slowly turning back to face the tv.

To:SexYLexa  
Yep. XD she's enjoying a mouthful of popcorn atm…I'm guessing you want her to be enjoying something else?

From: SexYLexa  
haha. very funy -_-

—————

Lexa fought hiding her blush at Octavia's text as she drove out of her parking space making her way to Octavia's flat. She took a deep breath and let it out shakily. She came to a traffic light and decided to check snapchat. She immediately clicked on Octavia's story finding a number of selfies of her and Clarke. She couldn't help the smile that crept its way onto her face.

From: L's Bae  
Hurry upppp I'm super bored.

Lexa rolled her eyes and locked her phone before noticing the light changed the green. She drove to Octavia's flat and parked in front of it. She made her way to the building holding the drinks and buzzed their door number.

"Come up!" She could hear the excitement in Octavia's voice. She smirked as she made her way to the elevator. Once she got to the 4th floor she walked to Octavia's door and knocked on it taking another deep breath. Not a second after, the door opened showing a smiling Octavia.

"Hi there." Lexa smirked.

"Lexa! What a surprise! Come on in." The blonde stood up with wide eyes as she ran to the bathroom. Octavia turned behind her to see Clarke running in the bathroom and locking the door. She grinned as she moved to the side allowing Lexa to walk in. Lexa walked over the couch and sat down. She grabbed a piece of popcorn and threw it in the air before catching it in her mouth.

"So. Oh god. You were watching Once Upon A Time? You're gonna hate the end of that episode. AND we have to wait till March for the next one." Octavia groaned as Lexa nodded taking a handful of popcorn. Octavia walked over and sat down next to her narrowing her eyes.

"So." Lexa glanced to the side and gulped knowing what was coming. She sighed and turned to the side with her legs crossed on the couch. She faced Octavia who done the same thing.

"Gimme your best shot." Octavia slapped Lexa's left cheek earning a slight gasp and groan. Lexa was slightly surprised. She knew Octavia was angry but she didn't expect a slap.

"Ouch! Well I guess I did deserve that." Octavia nodded as she sighed and stared Lexa in the eyes.

"She cried." Lexa looked down as guilt took over her thoughts. She really did deserve that slap, and more. "She cried a lot. What you don't understand is exactly how much you hurt her." Lexa looked up fighting the glare that was slowly making its way onto her face.

"I know." Lexa said as she clenched her jaw.

"It took so long for her to open up after Finn." Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to control herself. "And then you come along and do this to her? She really likes you, Lexa. You can't keep hurting her."

"I fucking know! I know okay? You think I don't know how hard it is to open up? After all the bullshit you know I've been through? I'm fucking sorry that one of my mistakes from the past impacted on her. But don't forget that it impacted on me too." Octavia immediately felt guilty as she didn't hesitate to grab Lexa's shaking hand. There was a moment of silence and the only sound that was heard was the sound of the water in the shower. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that." Octavia moved a hand to wipe the tear that fell down Lexa's cheek.

"I should be the one apologising. I was being a dickhead. I know you care about Clarke. But she's my best friend. I can't let her get hurt again. I need to know that you won't hurt her again, Lexa. That includes hurting yourself." Lexa looked down at their linked hands before getting up and walking over the kitchen.

"That girl is making me feel things I've never felt before. Not even with Costia. Trust me when I say I'll kill myself before hurting her." Octavia looked at her with a small and sad smile. Lexa threw her a beer as they waited for Clarke to come out of the shower.

"Is that an orange spice iced coffee?" Lexa turned red as she bit her lip and held onto a pillow. "Awww! You're so swe-" Lexa threw that pillow right at Octavia's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

“So. How’ve you been, Clarke?” The brunette looked up with a small smile staring into Clarke’s eyes. Octavia left to the grocery store leaving them plenty of time to talk. 

“Fine. Listen, Lexa. I think it would be a good idea to spend some time to talk through what happened.” Clarke said in a rushed breath avoiding Lexa’s eyes. The brunette grinned slightly at how flushed Clarke looked before sighing and nodding her head.

“I agree. First things first. I’m sorry.” Clarke interrupted her by looking up and groaning. 

“Don’t apologise. You already done that. A lot of times.” Lexa nodded as she bit her lip hiding it in her mouth. 

“I know I’ve said it a lot but I feel like I haven't said it enough. I should have told you earlier.” Lexa looked down feeling slightly guilty. She shifted on the couch to face the TV which was now playing the newest episode of ‘Quantico’. 

“I’m the one who should be apologising. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that. It was wrong; I should have listened to you first.” Clarke looked over at Lexa who just nodded as she stared at the TV. Her leg began bopping up and down showing a clear sign of nervousness. Clarke sighed as she moved closer to Lexa. “Lexa.” The brunette turned her face to look at the blonde. Their eyes quickly covered every inch of their faces trying to take in as much as possible. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered as her eyes trailed down to Clarke’s lips. Clarke followed her actions and slowly leaned in. 

“Stop apologising.” She whispered back. Their lips almost brushed before they both jumped away from each other at the sound of the door opening. Octavia walks in sighing while dropping the bags on the counter. She turned and froze at their positioning; both were on opposite ends of the couch nervously looking down. 

“I just interrupted something didn't I?” Their silence was all she needed as Octavia groaned and stormed over to her room. “Fucking hell. I hate my life.” They pair giggled as Octavia slammed the door shut before walking out and grabbed a bar of chocolate from the bags and walking back. 

“Well then. That was entertaining.” Lexa said before looking over to Clarke who was looking at Lexa with a small grin on her face. “Get changed. Quick.” Lexa said as she stood up pulling Clarke with her. 

“Why? Where are you taking me?” Clarke said as a wide smile took place. 

“Ice cream.” 

—————

“Oh my god, Lexa stop!” Clarke giggled as the brunette look another scoop from her ice cream. Lexa chuckled as she leaned back in her chair with her arms up in the air. She slowly put them down as she took her time memorising Clarke’s features. Clarke looked up at her with an uncontrollable, wide smile. She let out another small laugh as she bit her lip avoiding Lexa’s gaze. 

“Don't do that.” Lexa said in a husky tone as Clarke looked away from her with her cheeks turning red.

“Don’t do what?” She asked looking down playing with her ice cream.

“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s ok to be happy. Show it off. Show off your gorgeous smile.” Lexa said leaning over the table grabbing Clarke’s hand. She gave Clarke a smirk as the blonde continued to turn redder. Clarke smiled as Lexa’s thumb softly moved along the back of her hand. 

“Let’s go for a walk.” Clarke said as she let go of Lexa’s hand and stood up. They grabbed their purses and ice cream and began walking with no particular destination. 

“So. Where we going?” Lexa said with a teasing smile as she nudged Clarke. She earning a small laugh in return. 

“Nowhere.” The blonde replied as she took another scoop of ice cream into her mouth however giving her a slight ice cream moustache. Lexa looked at her with another chuckle. “What’s so funny?” Clarke demanded as she stopped and narrowed her eyes at Lexa. 

“Oh nothing.” She said with a smirk as she turned and stopped in front of Clarke. The blonde narrowed her eyes further and stepped forward. She raised an eyebrow waiting for Lexa to talk. “You just got a little something there.” Lexa let out a laugh as she move her thumb and softly wiped the ice cream off. 

“Thanks.” Clarke whispered as Lexa’s eyes drifted down to her lips. The brunette leaned in closer. Clarke’s breath hitched as she felt Lexa’s lips brush hers. 

“Oh crap. I’m so sorry!” They were interrupted by a women bumping into them pushing them apart. “I wasn't watching where I was going.” She gave them an apologetic smile before rushing off holding her phone to her ear. 

“For fuck sake.” Lexa mumbled under her breath before sighing and pushing a hand through her hair. Clarke looked down with a frown before sighing and looking back up at Lexa. 

“Now it seems like the universe doesn’t want us together.” She whispered as she turned and walked away slowly. Lexa followed with her hands tucked into her pocket. They silently walked back to Octavia’s place. 

“So.” Lexa said as they came to a stop in front of Octavia’s apartment door. The blonde sighed and moved her hand to the door knob. She looked up at Lexa who was biting her lip nervously. 

“I should get inside.” She said as Lexa looked up at her. The brunette’s eyes were filled with disappointment as she nodded and folder her hands together behind her back. Clarke turned around to face the door and turned the knob. Right before she could open the door she felt a hand on her waist. She turned around to face Lexa. 

“Not yet.” She said as she leaned in and connect their lips. The blonde gasped into her mouth as she moaned softly at the feel of Lexa’s lips. They felt sparks rush up and down their bodies. Lexa’s hands found their way around Clarke’s body and wrapped around her waist. She pulled Clarke impossibly closer to herself. Clarke moved her hands to the back of Lexa’s neck as she lightly scratched it. She was pleased with the moan and soft lite on the lip she got from Lexa. Lexa pushed Clarke against the door and it fell open. They both fell onto the floor in the apartment with a loud groan. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s head before it could hit the floor. “You ok?”

“I’m fine.” She said with a small smile. She bit her lip and looked up at Lexa. “I really like kissing you.” She said softly as Lexa leaned down and lightly rubbed their noses together.

“I really like kissing you too.” She connected their lips once again this time slowly slipping her tongue into Clarke’s mouth. The blonde let out a moan as she moved her hands back to scratch Lexa’s neck.

“OH MY GOD FINALLY!” They pulled apart, startled by the scream from Octavia. “Took you guys long enough. But please, no sex in my apartment.” She said as she grabbed a drink from the fridge. 

“So.” 

“So.” Lexa said with a laugh as she looked down at Clarke, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: VIOLENCE IN THIS CHAPTER 
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

“How’s you and Clarke?” Lincoln asked with a grin as he poured Lexa another cup of Whiskey. The brunette took a sip and smiled at her best friend. She couldn’t help smiling whenever Clarke was mentioned. The blonde managed to worm her way into her heart. 

“Amazing. I can’t even express how happy I am with her.” Lexa said as she hopped onto the counter. Clarke, Octavia and a few of their friends were coming over at 6 and it was currently 5:30. Lexa thought she might as well get prepared for the night considering Bellamy was coming. 

“Go on.” Lincoln said with a raised eyebrow. Lexa looked at him with a confused expression taking place on her face. “I know you obviously want to ask something. So go on.” Lexa sighed and looked over to Lincoln who was setting up small snacks on the coffee table. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing going on between Clarke and Bellamy? I know you said he has feelings for her but does she? Or did she?” Lincoln sighed as he turned to face her. 

“Look. Things might get intense tonight. Bellamy and Clarke have a good friendship and it sometimes can be mistaken for flirting. Bell might be flirting but I can assure you that Clarke feels nothing for him. And he knows that.” Lexa nodded and scrunched her lips to the side before gulping the entire cup and pouring herself another. 

—————

“Are you ready? Jesus Christ. Why do you take so long?” Clarke groaned as she sipped from her cup of red wine. She was at Octavia’s apartment waiting for her to get ready. 

“Because we’re going to my boyfriend’s place?” Octavia said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. This resulted in an eye roll from Clarke as she took out her phone and began scrolling through Instagram. She stopped at a picture Lexa posted. It was a selfie of her and Lincoln making funny faces. Lincoln had his bottom lip popping out with his eyes wide open. Lexa was cross-eyed with her tongue sticking out. She captioned it ‘How our faces will be after tonight’ with laughing emojis. Clarke let out a giggle and liked the picture before commenting on it. She typed ‘why the long face? I thought you liked me?’ with two upset emojis. 

“O! Please hurry up!” Octavia comes rushing down with her purse and quickly grabbed her keys form the table. 

“Let’s go.” She said as Clarke followed her out. 

—————

“Wow.” Lexa said with a small smile as she read Clarke’s comment. She commented back ‘who told you that? :p’ 

“We have company, Lex.” Lincoln said as the doorbell rang. He walked over to the door and opened it revealing a curly-haired guy along with two other guys standing behind him. “Bellamy.” He gave him a nod and patted his back as he walked in. “Monty.” The small guy gave a nervous smile before walking in. “And Jasper.” Lincoln said with a smile before moving to the side letting Jasper in. “Welcome. Drinks in the kitchen, snack in the living room.” Bellamy walked over to Lexa and stood in front of her narrowing his eyes. 

“Lexa, I’m guessing?” She nodded and gave him a tight smile. He smiled as he held out his hand and shook it. “Octavia told me about you. Nice to meet you.” She frowned at the name Octavia and not Clarke. She figured Clarke hadn’t said anything to her friends about her just yet. 

“Bellamy.” He nodded as he moved to the side to grab a beer from the cooler. 

“How are you surviving as Lincoln’s best friend?” He said with a chuckle. Lexa shook her head with a smile as she sighed.

“I’m not. He’s terrible.” She said the last sentence loud to make sure Lincoln would hear her. He turned around to face her with a playful glare. 

“Watch what you say, Lexi.” Lexa glared at him as he chuckled and went to open the door once the doorbell rang. 

“Hey babe. Clarke.” Both Bellamy and Lexa’s heads peaked at the sound of Clarke’s name. They looked over and smile at the sight of the blonde. Bellamy walked over before Lexa could, causing a frown to appear on her face. She decided to wait for Clarke to come to her. 

“Clarke!” Bellamy walked over and pulled her into a hug. 

“Hey Bell! I missed your stupid hair.” She said with a laugh as the brunette’s hair got in her face.

“I missed your insults.” He answered back before pulling away with a smile on his face. Lexa gulped down her drink as she heard them talk. She poured herself another one. 

“I’ll be right back.” Clarke said before walking over to Lexa with a smile. The brunette watched her walk over to her before jumping off the counter and pulling her into a hug. She let out a sigh of relief as she gripped onto Clarke’s waist.

“I missed you.” Lexa said as she buried her head into the crook of Clarke’s neck. 

“I missed you too, Lex.” Bellamy frowned seeing them hug longer than just friends should. The frown grew as Lexa pulled away slightly to kiss Clarke on the cheek then on her ear as she whispered to her.

“Can I kiss you?” Clarke giggled as she pulled away slightly but keeping her hands wrapped around Lexa’s neck. 

“You don’t need to ask.” Clarke said with a smirk. Lexa leaned in and captured her lips. Bellamy’s frown turned into a glare as he clenched his fists. He watched Clarke pull Lexa closer, her hands scratching the back of her neck. He watched Lexa turn Clarke around to push her against the counter gripping her thighs. He watched Lexa pick Clarke up and sit her on the counter never letting their lips break apart. 

“I really-” kiss “really-” kiss “missed you.” Clarke smiled against her lips before putting her hand on Lexa’s chest to push her back slightly. 

“Me too. But we have company.” Clarke gestured to the crowed looking at the two with jaws dropped. Lexa smirked as she lay one soft kiss on Clarke’s lips then one on her nose before pulling her back down. “Guys. This is Lexa. Lexa is my…umm-” Clarke struggled to find the words but was cut off my Lexa. 

“Soon to be girlfriend.” She said with a grin before moving over to the table set up for beer pong already. “Who thinks they could handle me?” Bellamy glared before walking over to the opposite side of the table. 

“Teams?” He said as he grabbed Murphy who had sneaked in without anyone noticing him. Lexa nodded as she grabbed Lincoln from Octavia. “Let’s do this.” 

“How do we decide who starts?” She asked before Bellamy took out his fist. 

“Rock, paper, scissors.” Lexa sighed before sticking her fist out. Clarke watched them both. She saw determination in both eyes. She then gasped realising what was happening. She rushed over to Octavia who was grabbing a drink. 

“O. They’re playing over me. That didn’t sound right. I mean, ugh! I think Bell is jealous and so is Lexa.” Octavia rolled her eyes before glancing over to the table. Clarke groaned as she saw Bellamy get angrier as Lexa shot the ball right into the first cup. Cheers were heard as Bellamy took the cup and gulped it down. Octavia and Clarke walked over to the table. 

“Dude, it’s my turn.” Murphy said as Bellamy took the ball. 

“I got this.” He said, pushing Murphy back with his shoulder. The glare never left his face as he shot the ball watching it hit the rim and drop off the table. He let out a groan as Lexa smirked and took another ball. Lincoln stepped back letting her get her frustrations out. 

“You’re going down, Blake.” She said before throwing the ball landing in the last cup in the left corner. Bellamy let out another growl as he took the cup and gulped down the beer closing his eyes slightly at the taste. “Your turn.” She shot him a grin as he continued glaring at her. 

“Baby? Be careful.” Clarke whispered as she went to stand behind her. Lexa gave Bellamy one last look before turning to plant a kiss on Clarke’s lips. Clarke kissed her back for a few seconds before pulling away, knowing she’s trying to make Bellamy jealous. “Don’t. Don’t turn into a asshole.” Clarke said shoving her as she walked off to the bathroom with Octavia following her. 

“Seriously?” She mumbled watching her go. She let out a scoff before turning to find Bellamy smirking at her. This made something inside her stir and her blood boil as she gripped onto a ping pong ball. 

“Watch what you do. A mistake can haunt you for the rest of your life.” Lexa froze as Costia came to mind. She shook her head shaking the thoughts away with it. Bellamy threw the ball landing right into the first cup. She grabbed it and gulped it down effortlessly. 

“Making a mistake is better than doing nothing and expecting something in return.” She said referring to his feelings towards Clarke. His eyes went wide. She got the next ball in. 

“I’m not doing nothing. I’m waiting for you to fuck up; we all know you will.” Lexa froze in her spot as her eyes became emotionless. Lincoln recognised this look as he saw her slowly begin making her way to Bellamy. She pushed everyone out of her way as the curly-haired brunette met her in the middle holding his glare. Lincoln came quickly and stood between them. 

“Clarke! Octavia! Come quick!” He screamed out as Lexa began pushing him and shoving him trying to get to Bellamy. 

“You’re just a fuck up. She doesn't want an unstable bitch who ends up killing her girlfriends!” Lexa looked up at Lincoln with anger and hurt in her eyes. 

“You told him?” Clarke came in to hear Bellamy’s insult. She was confused as she walked over to them. 

“Not everything. I just told them that Costia was in a car accident. I told them not to mention any ex’s. Lexa, I’m sorry.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Move. Get out of my way.” Lincoln sighed and stepped away knowing there was nothing she could do to stop him. The second Bellamy was in sight, he attempted to punch her. She caught his fist, eyes still emotionless. She slowly began crushing his fist as she saw the pain he was trying to hide. 

“Lexa stop.” Clarke said as she gripped her bicep. Lexa ignored her as she let go of Bellamy’s fist just to let out one punch as he dropped onto the ping pong table. He struggled to get back up. Clarke’s hand moved to cover her mouth as she gasped. Everyone watched silently, not wanting to get involved. Lexa kneeled down and gripped the back of Bellamy’s neck pulling him up. 

“I loved Costia more than anything that ever stepped on this earth. I worshiped her. I blame myself every single fucking torturous day of my life for her death. But don’t you dare ever assume I will hurt Clarke. She may not be my girlfriend yet, but she’s my goddess and I will worship her like that.” She let go of his neck dropping him back onto the table. She turned around to face Clarke who had tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She said refusing to show emotion on her face. She walked over to the kitchen, grabbed an unopened Whiskey bottle and walked out slamming the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS! : SUICIDAL ATTEMPT - SELF HARMING - MENTIONS OF PREVIOUS DEATH
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

Lexa made her way to the top of the building. She found her way up to the roof where she used to go whenever she felt like she was going to be pushed off the edge. She always thought of jumping but never had the guts to. One time she almost did but Lincoln managed to stop her just in time. 

“Why does this keep happening to me?” She said to herself as she gripped onto the bottle and took a long sip. She stumbled to the edge of the roof and sat down letting her feet hang down. She was used to this position and the view but she was always amazing by how beautiful everything looked when she was higher. 

“Lexa?” The brunette turned around to find a nervous blonde with fear in her eyes as she stepped closer to Lexa. Lexa chuckled softly in disbelief as a soft tear fell down her cheek.

“You’re scared of me.” Lexa stated as she turned her head to face the city again. She moved the bottle back to her mouth to take another long sip finishing the bottle. She threw it to the side watching the pieces crack. Lexa was slightly shocked as she felt a familiar feeling looking at the broken glass. She moved her hand over to pick up a piece. 

“I’m not scared of you.” She heard Clarke’s voice closer to her. The blonde sat beside her and rested her head on her shoulder. “I’m scared for you.” Lexa twirled the glass in her hand. Clarke moved to grab the glass but Lexa moved it away turning her head in the same direction. She didn’t want Clarke to see her shed tears. “Lexa. Give me the glass.” Lexa shook her head. 

“You know, after Costia, everything went downhill for me.” Clarke moved her hand back to her own lap knowing Lexa was about to open up to her. “Everything was so fucking shit it’s legit unbelievable. I knew her for 5 years. was with her for 4. She was all I knew, Clarke. She was the reason I lived. That was my entire mindset.” Lexa stopped talking for a few seconds to look up biting her lip trying to stop the tears from falling. 

“It’s ok to cry, Lexa. You can be weak in front of me.” Lexa let out her tears as she buried her head into Clarke’s neck. She sobbed as the blonde began softly scratching the back of her neck. “I’m here for you, Lexa.” She whispered as the brunette continued crying.

“I tried to kill myself. So many times, Clarke. I cheated death, and Costia didn’t.” She sobbed for a few moments allowing Clarke to let out a few of her own silent tears out. She hated seeing Lexa like this. The brunette was always strong around her; never letting her uneasy emotions appear. 

“It’s going to be ok, as long as you promise to talk to me if you ever get these urges again.” Lexa moved her head as she sniffed and breathed heavily. The glass piece was still in her hand, not realising she was gripping it tightly cutting herself. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand softly. “Give me the glass, Lexa. Whenever you’re ready.” Lexa took a few seconds as she looked at her own bloody dripping down her hand.

“What I always told myself, back when Costia first passed, was ‘blood must have blood.’” Lexa whispered as she tightened her hand for a second before letting go of the glass and passing it to Clarke. The blonde placed it on her other side and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s shoulder. 

“Did you intend on killing her?” Lexa shook her head. “Did you physically kill her?” Again, she shook her head. “Then her blood is not on your hands, Lexa.” Lexa shook her head refusing to accept the truth. “Lexa, look at me.” The brunette turned to face her, tears rushing down her face. “It is not your fault.” Lexa’s breath hitched. “Say it with me.” Lexa looked down. Clarke moved her hands and put them on her cheeks. “Say it.”

“It’s not my fault.” Lexa whispered as she pushed her head into Clarke’s palm. “It’s not my fault.” She said louder as she took a shaky breath. Clarke smiled at her and rested her head on Lexa’s. 

—————

“You shouldn’t have done that, Bell. That really was a dick move.” Octavia said as she stepped towards her brother who was currently with a pack of frozen peas on his eye. 

“She deserved it.” He mumbled taking a sip of water trying to sober himself up. 

“No, she didn’t. You think she deserved it because Clarke has feelings for her?” Bellamy shook his head softly at Octavia’s words.

“No. Because she’ll hurt her. Finn did. Who says Lexa won’t do that same?” He responded while glaring at the floor. He heard heavy footsteps inch closer to him. 

“I say.” He looked up to find Lincoln looking down on him. Lincoln grabbed a beer from the cooler and opened it. “I’ve known that girl for years. I’ve seen her go through her relationship with Costia. I’ve seen the outcome of heartbreak. Her world was torn apart and she picked up the pieces and tried to fix it herself.” Everyone had left apart from Lincoln, Bellamy and Octavia. 

“Heartbreak can change people.” Bellamy said desperately trying to prove his point. Lincoln nodded agreeing with him.

“Yes, it can. Do you know how it changed Lexa? She went from being the happiest and cheeriest person I know, to the girl who had a self hatred deep enough to the point where she tried to make sure she never woke up again. Do you understand what I’m saying, Bellamy?” The brunette nodded guiltily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said taking the packet off of his face. 

“It’s not me you should be saying that to.” Just as Lincoln said that, the door opened revealing two teary girls. Lexa looked at Bellamy before moving to walk into Lincoln’s guest bedroom where she stayed quite a lot. Bellamy quickly followed and stood in front of her to stop her from going in. 

“I really can’t be bothered for this, Bellamy.” Bellamy frowned hearing how fed up Lexa sounded. He shook his head at her and took a deep breath.

“I wanted to apologise.” She raised an eyebrow at his words before looking up at him narrowing her eyes slightly. 

“Why? To get back on Clarke’s good side? So you can take her away from me when I fuck up?” She said mockingly before shoving past him to Lincoln’s room. Bellamy moved to go after her but Clarke put her hand on his shoulder stopping him. 

“Not now.” She said as she went after Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

*FLASHBACK*

“Costia?” Lexa asked as she looked around the park trying to find her girlfriend. They were never too old to play hide and seek. “Come out, come out wherever you are.” She sang in a teasing tone as she listened carefully. She heard the sound of leaves being crunched to her right. Her head turned to face the bush on the right with a smirk showing up on her face. She slowly made her way to the bush before jumping over it landing right next to Costia. “Boo.” She whispered watching her girlfriend jump. 

“Oh my god! Don’t scare me like that!” Costia screamed out smacking Lexa’s arm as she laughed. The brunette looked at her girlfriend with a content smile on her face. She memorised her features as she laughed. 

“I love you.” She whispered as she let out a small chuckle. Costia finished laughing as she looked over to Lexa. 

“I love you too.” 

*END FLASHBACK*

“Lexa?” Clarke asked as she walked into the guest room. She found the brunette lying down on the bed curled up to the side. Clarke sighed as she walked over to her and lay down beside her. She curled her own body around Lexa wrapping her arms around her. The brunette relaxed in her arms and moved back to get comfortable. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered shakily. It was clear that she’d been crying by how her voice cracked. Clarke sighed and moved her hands to draw the lines on Lexa’s packs. It seemed to be comforting the brunette as she sighed and relaxed. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Clarke whispered back as she felt Lexa’s breathing slowly turn even. She knew the brunette was falling asleep so she decided to rest too. Soon sleep took over. 

—————

“They were both wrong. And they both let jealousy take over.” Octavia said as she sighed into Lincoln’s shoulder. The two were currently in Lincoln’s room cuddled up on his bed. 

“Lex has been through so much shit, O. Words can’t even explain how much pain she’s been through. And when Clarke comes along I hear not a single word about her fear of commitment or anything. She really does love her. But she’s afraid to admit it.” Octavia nodded in agreement as her hand moved around Lincoln’s waist. 

“Bellamy just won’t let Clarke go. He’s a good guy, he really is. But he always lets his feelings cloud his judgement.” They both let out sighs trying to figure out what to do next. 

—————

Lexa woke up with a smile on her face once she felt Clarke behind her. The smile turned into a frown once she remembered last night’s events. Her head was pounding as she slowly opened her eyes meeting sunlight. 

“Morning.” She heard Lincoln whisper softly as he walked in with two glasses of water and four pills. He put separated them on the desk before sitting on the small couch in the room. “How you doin’?” He said with a sad smile as Lexa slowly untangled herself from Clarke. She took a deep breath before swallowing two pills and gulping down her cup of water. She then looked up at Lincoln mimicking his sad smile. 

“Well. You were right when you said the night would be intense.” They both let out low chuckles not realising they woke Clarke up. The blonde kept her eyes shut deciding to let the two speak; Lexa needed her best friend. “I’m such an asshole.” She said while putting her head in her hands. 

“Hey, don’t say that.” Lincoln frowned once he heard his best friend think so low of herself. “You’re not an asshole.” Lexa shook her head as a tear fell down her face. She looked back at Clarke who looked sound asleep.

“Even Clarke said it. I’m an asshole. I have no control of my feelings whatsoever, I punched Bellamy, it’s about time I hurt Clarke too.” She took another look back at Clarke before kneeling down and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She whispered before Clarke opened her eyes softly letting a tear fall down. 

“You won’t.” The blonde promised kissing Lexa softly on the lips. The brunette pulled away and slowly stood up holding onto her head. “Where are you going?” Clarke asked as Lexa went to walk out the door. 

“Breakfast.” 

—————

“Morning, Lexa.” Octavia said with a small smile at the tired brunette. She grinned back as she went to the fridge. She opened it and took out the orange juice along with two eggs and bacon strips. She put the items on the counter as Octavia watched her emotionless face. The brunette then grabbed some ice from the freezer and put it in a cup before pouring some orange juice. “You know your way around here, huh?” Octavia said desperately trying to make conversation as she took a bite of her french toast. 

“Yep. I used to spend nights here not trusting myself to be alone.” She said nonchalantly earning a sigh from Octavia. Bellamy really messed up this time. She knew it was unfair to blame him but he was the trigger. Lexa was back to the ‘commander’ phase. 

“Back to Commander Lexa now, are we?” She said once again in a teasing tone. Lexa looked over at her keeping her emotions inside. 

“It’s for the best, for Clarke.” Octavia scoffed. Lexa ignored her as she scrambled the eggs in a bowl waiting for the pan and oil to heat up. 

“For Clarke? How is it best for Clarke? She doesn't want an emotionless girlfriend. She wants you to be open with her.” Lexa continued to ignore Octavia as she poured the egg mixture into the pan. “Lexa, listen to me. Don’t let one event change your life. Again.” Lexa froze as she turned to face Octavia.

“Don’t you dare mention that again, understood?” Her glare was threatening but Octavia didn’t back down. She stepped closer to Lexa and held her ground.

“She died and you let it ruin your world.”

“Because she was my world!” Lexa shouted out letting anger take over for a second before breathing heavily trying to bring herself back. Octavia hesitantly put a hand on Lexa’s shoulder before pulling her in for a hug. 

“Make Clarke part of you world.” 

—————

“How’d you sleep?” The blonde looked up at Lincoln and smiled at him gratefully. 

“Good. I’m sorry for not announcing I was gonna sleep over; it was kinda unexpected.” Clarke said with a small chuckle as Lincoln smiled at her. 

“It’s no problem at all, as long as you made sure Lexa was ok.” Clarke nodded at him before taking the pills and water from the desk. “You make her happy.” Clarke looked up at him waiting for him to continue. “You’re going to see a side of her that you probably won’t like. It’s the side that was made after Costia’s death.” The blonde nodded understandingly. She knew what Lincoln was going to ask. Before she could cut him off Lincoln put his hand up to tell her to wait. “If you care enough about her to stay and help her through it, be my guest. If you’re here just to leave her when you get bored, leave now instead of pulling her into a unwanted journey of further pain.” Clarke nodded once again before standing up and walking to the door. She turned to face Lincoln again.

“I’m here for her. Because I want to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

It’s been a week since the incident at the party. Lexa asked Clarke to give her some space so that’s what she gave her. The blonde gave her a week of space even though it tore her apart. Octavia had been there trying to distract her but it seemed to be doing nothing as Clarke only got an occasional ‘hi’ text from the brunette. 

On the other hand, Lexa has been going to the gym every single day trying to let out her anger and frustrations. Lincoln accompanied her twice until she told him to ‘back off’ in her words. He knew she needed her space but it didn’t mean he wasn't scared and protective of her. 

“Hi there, hotstuff.” Lexa rolled her eyes at the fake blonde who walked up to her. She continued doing her routine of pull-ups as the blonde’s eyes bored into her. “Hello? I’m talking to you.” Lexa gritted her teeth before speeding up her last ten pull-ups and jumping down. 

“I have no interest in talking to you.” The blonde’s jaw dropped as she scoffed and walked away swaying her hips. “Fucking hell.” Lexa mumbled under her breath before stretching her legs getting ready to run on the treadmill for her usual 30 minutes. She thought about how she let Costia’s death take over her life. She fell into a hole of self-hatred, drinking, and women. She didn’t want to drop down to that once again. 10 minutes into the run she saw someone extremely familiar come in. His long hair was the most recognisable thing about him. 

“I didn't catch your name when you grabbed me by the shirt and threatened my life.” He said as he went to the treadmill next to her. Lexa internally groaned but kept the neutral look on her face. 

“You don’t need my name to be afraid of me.” Finn let out an obnoxious chuckle as he started the treadmill on a low level. He then peaked over to Lexa’s treadmill to find she was jogging on level 5. He moved up to level 6.

“I’m not afraid of you, sweetheart.” Lexa looked over to him with a deathly glare before moving her treadmill level up to 7. 

“Don’t test me. Sweetheart.” She spit out the last word with hatred. Finn looked over at her with a glare that looked like he was constipated. The brunette girl held back her laugh and looked in front of her. 

“You’ve hooked up with Raven, right?” He chose to ignore her comment as he moved his level up to 7 to match her. She glared at him for mentioned Raven while moving her level up once more. 

“Yes. Not that it’s any of your business.” Finn rolled his eyes at her and put his level up again. Lexa could see he was struggling as he began running while to her if still felt like she was jogging. “Isn’t Raven your girlfriend? You know, she was a great fuck.” Lexa whispered with venom in her voice. Finn’s eyes went dark and wide as he moved his level higher than Lexa’s. He was fully running and huffing with ever step. 

“Shut up. I doubt you were that good.” Lexa rolled her eyes at him and raised an eyebrow. Just as she was about to end it Finn beat her to it. “Did you know that I took Clarke’s virginity?” She saw red. 

“Did you know that I took Raven’s anal virginity?” She saw a man wide-eyed run off from the corner of her eye but she refused to laugh out loud. She turned to face Finn who had taken it up two levels before tripping over his own feet and smacking face first into the treadmill. He groaned as it flipped him over landing on his head once more before falling off. Lexa stopped the treadmill and allowed herself to finally laugh and let it all out. 

—————

*FLASHBACK*

“Happy 2 year anniversary, baby.” Costia said with a wide smile as she crawled up Lexa’s body. They both weren’t ready to sleep with each other and were both extremely respectful. But now they were finally ready 

“I love you.” Lexa whispered as she gripped onto Costia’s waist. Her girlfriend let out a small laugh before connecting their lips. Lexa hummed happily as their lips danced together in sync. “I love you. So much.” Lexa really did love her so much. Costia was all she knew. Costia was all she was used to. Costia was her entire life.

*END FLASHBACK*

Lexa walked into her apartment with a groan as she dropped her duffle bag onto the floor next to the door. She made her way to her bedroom and pealed off her clothes as she stepped into the bathroom. She put the shower on and waited for the water to get hotter. She normally avoided the mirror but she couldn't escape it today. She looked at the deep scars on her thighs with a pained expression on her face. It was like she could remember ever single cut; how it felt, how deep it was, the reason for it. 

PING!

She turned to her phone and looked at the text message she received from Lincoln. As normal, he was telling her to talk to Clarke again. She chose to ignore the text as she put on her shower playlist. Lexa gave one last look in the mirror before shaking away the thoughts and jumping into the shower with a sigh. She let the water take over her as if it was cleansing the destructive thoughts that turned into destructive actions. 

PING!

The music stopped briefly before carrying on once again. She ignored the text again and looked up letting the water run down her neck. Clarke came to her mind. Her flawless blonde hair that looking effortlessly perfect all the time. Her beautiful blue eyes deep enough to make her feel like she was lost at sea. Her radiant smile that practically forced every single person around her to smile too. 

PING!

She thought of Costia. Costia was one of a kind simply because she was Lexa’s first love. Lexa would go to her with every single problem she had, no matter what it was. Even when the problem was about Costia they would always talk it out. When her parents didn’t accept her Costia was there for her as well as Lincoln. To Lexa, Costia was beyond perfect. She was too perfect to be human. Lexa loved not a single person more than her. Until Clarke. 

—————

“O, she’s not answering my texts.” Clarke moaned out as she slumped down on the sofa. Octavia went to sit down next to her putting an arm around her shoulder.

“Maybe she’s busy?” Clarke shook her head thinking Lexa was avoiding her. She stood up and walked over to her room to get changed. “Where are you going?” Octavia asked knowing that Clarke was about to make a mistake. 

“To her apartment.” The blonde replied as she came out of her room holding her keys and phone. Octavia quickly stood up and followed Clarke to the door. 

“Don’t. Just give her space.” 

“I’ve given her enough space.” Octavia rolled her eyes at her stubborn best friend.

“No, you really haven’t, Clarke.” The blonde rolled her eyes before walking out the door. “Clarke, you’re making a big mistake!” Clarke chose to ignore her as she made her way outside to her car.

—————

“Lay me down tonight.” Lexa hummed to the song as she used her towel to dry her hair in the bathroom. After she was done, she grabbed her phone turning off the music. She sighed in relief as she walked out of the bathroom allowing the cold of her air conditioning to embrace her. She moved over to her room and put on boy shorts and a sports bra. 

KNOCK KNOCK

Moving her head to the side she groaned slightly before going to the door. She opened it revealing a smiling blonde. 

“Hi.” Clarke said with a small smile. All she received from her was a tight grin as she forced her lips together. “I missed you.” Clarke let her eyes roam down Lexa’s body stopping at her abs. She felt her breath get caught in her throat as she saw water droplets trickling down. 

“Missed me or missing them?” Clarke looked up at the small smirk taking place on Lexa’s face. She smiled back with a blush as she saw her old Lexa slowly coming back. “Come in.” She whispered out as she stepped to the side and allowed Clarke to pass through. The blonde walked in and looked around the apartment. 

“This is so you.” Clarke let out a small giggle as she looked around. It was neat but not a crazy kind of neat. It was messy but not a crazy kind of messy. It was Lexa. Her duffle bag was on the floor obviously been an essential to her life. There were dirty dishes in the sink along with a few empty water bottle around the bin as if Lexa’s been attempting to throw them in. 

“How so?” Lexa asked a she came back from her room wearing jogging bottoms. She was still wearing only her sports bra showing off her abs. She had a knowing smirk on her face as she went into the kitchen keeping her eyes on Clarke. 

“Uh…just because…um y-your bag and just stuff.” Clarke mentally kicked herself as she walked over to the brunette. Lexa picked up the empty water bottles and moved to the corner of the kitchen. Clarke watched her with an amused expression as she watched her close one eye to aim the bottle. The bottle went straight into the bin. 

“Yes!” Lexa whispered loudly making Clarke giggle. The blonde took off her jacket and threw it on the sofa before jumping on the counter to watch Lexa. She looked at her still wet hair, dark brown turning slowly chestnut. Her green eyes were slightly red and puffy, a clear sign that she’d been crying. The bags under her eyes were slightly bagging but her features were still sharp, almost as sharp as her jawline. Her lips were chapped and full. She watched them move as they curved to for a smirk. “Clarke?” 

“Huh?” The blonde was snapped out of her daze as Lexa threw a bottle at her head. “That was so rude!” Clarke gasped and picked up the bottle dashing it at Lexa. The brunette easily dodged it with a grin and a chuckle as a pout found its way onto Clarke’s face. 

“Stop it before you hurt yourself.” Lexa said teasingly as Clarke moved to her and began trying to hit Lexa’s head. The brunette laughed as she dodged the hits and grabbed Clarke’s hands. Clarke laughed along with her before they caught each other’s eyes. The laughter died down. 

“I missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

Lips on lips. That’s all they both wanted. Lips on lips. That’s all they could dream of. They wanted to be together forever like the fairytales they grew up watching. Life was there playground, they could paint it in blue and green. But the only thing standing in the way was Lexa. 

“We can’t.” Those two words crushed the blonde’s heart but she kept her face stoic like she learnt from Lexa. Lexa pulled away from Clarke and walked back to the bin. She needed a distraction so she picked up the empty water bottles and went back to her previous position. She couldn’t leave considering it was her apartment. 

“Why the hell not?” Lexa ignored Clarke and aimed for the bin once again. She threw it and watched as it hit the rim and bounced onto the floor. Clarke tried not to watch how Lexa’s biceps flexed slightly. “Lexa, look at me when I’m talking to you.” The brunette continued ignoring her but Clarke’s voice was permanently stuck in her head forever. She tried not to look at her and put in her ‘Commander’ face as Lincoln had told her before. “You can’t block out everyone that comes close to you just because you think you hurt them.” The brunette turned her head to face her and raised her eyebrows slightly. 

“Yes I can.” Clarke raised an eyebrow to match Lexa’s before narrowing her eyes slightly. She watched as Lexa tried to move away but Clarke acted quickly and moved to block her path. She stood in front of Lexa and tried not to let their closeness and her passion affect her anger.

“Don’t act like you don't care. Get your head out of your ass, Lexa. You have people here who actually care about you and will stay. Appreciate it.” Lexa glared at her deciding against pushing Clarke back; she didn’t trust herself to not hurt her. 

“Get. Out.” Clarke continued pushing as both her hands landed on the counter behind Lexa trapping her. Lexa glanced down at Clarke’s hand and stood on her tiptoes trying to make herself seem bigger. 

“You like to think that you’re above it all. But I see right through you. You’re still haunted by Costia. You were jealous over Bellamy. You push everyone that cares about you away. Why?” Lexa gulped as she felt tears threaten to fall out of her eyes and expose her weakness. 

“To protect them.” The blonde narrowed her eyes in confusion and felt slight sympathy at the brunette not being able to hide her emotions anymore. She stepped back slightly. 

“Because you hurt everyone close to you?” Lexa gulped once again and took a long blink. 

“Not everyone. Not you.” Clarke visibly softened as she moved her hands from Lexa’s side and took a step back. “Not yet anyway. Clarke, I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I’ll hurt myself before anything happens to you.” Clarke shook her head and put her hands on Lexa’s cheek. The brunette closed her eyes and rested her head on Clarke’s palms. 

“No.” 

“Yes.” Lexa moved her head but Clarke held her tight. 

“No.”

“Yes.” 

“No, Lexa. Don’t say stuff like that.” Clarke felt tears drop down her cheeks and saw similar ones on Lexa. 

“But it’s true. I’d die for you; you deserve life more than I do.” Clarke shook her head as Lexa continued allowing soft tears drop; she couldn’t do anything to stop them. 

“Lexa, stop.” Lexa shook her head and leaned in slowly but stopped before she reached Clarke’s lips. Her eyes connected with Clarke’s silently asking for permission. Clarke put her hand on Lexa’s chest. Lexa looked down in slight disappointment before nodding. Her lips came up in a tight smile as she stepped back and hid her hands in her pockets. 

“Go.” Clarke opened her mouth to speak but one look from Lexa and she closed it. She let out a sigh and stood in her place for a few seconds before turning and grabbed her jacket from the couch. 

“Lexa-” The brunette shook her head and watched as Clarke walked to the door and stopped to turn and look at Lexa one last time. Lexa had the final words.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke nodded and walked out shutting the door behind her. She leaned her back against the door and slowly let herself slide down. She controlled the sounds of her sobs but not the tears. She was startled by the loud bang against the door behind her but not the scream and sobs that followed. She turned when she felt something heavy behind her pushing back on the door. She rested her head on the door picturing Lexa doing the same. She was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all for the encouragement. It really helped me have enough power to right this chapter. Now I'd like to apologise in advance for this chapter. 
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

It’s been two days. Two days of pain and tears. Two days of them skipping work and staying in bed not finding the power to get up. Replaying the memories in their mind was the worst thing they could do to themselves. But it was all they had left. At least for now. 

“I should have kissed her. Maybe we would have made up.” Octavia shook her head and took the remote from Clarke’s hand. She turned down the volume and set it down. 

“Don’t even think like that. You did the right thing, ok?” Clarke looked down and bit her bottom lip. She felt her heart clench every single time she heard Lexa’s name or even thought about her. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment she fell for her but along the way she knew she did. And there was nothing she could possibly do to stop her longing. “I’ve known Lexa for a while, Clarke. She isn't usually like this. Just wait for her to come to you. It’s her move.” Clarke shook her head at Octavia’s words and mumbled as she stood up and went to her room. 

—————

Groaning as she pulled herself up, Lexa sat up on her bed with her hands clenching the sheets below her. She turned her head around to glance around the room before rolling her shoulders to click her back. A frown appeared on her face at the feeling before sighing and pushing herself up with a groan. With a sigh she moved her hands to the bottom of her tank top and lifted it off of her. She threw it in the laundry basket and dragged herself to the bathroom. 

“What am I doing with my life?” She caught herself mumbling and gripped the sink raising her head to look at her reflection. The dark bags under her bright eyes were visible. But even that couldn't distract anyway to look away from her sad eyes that were somehow hollow. It’s crazy how you’re life couldn't turn upside down in a matter of 2 minutes. 

—————

“I miss you.” Clarke whispered to no one in particular as she stopped at a picture of Lexa holding a fluffy white dog on her Instagram. She knew it was clearly unhealthy to creep through her profile but it was the only thing keeping her alive. She missed the brunette. She missed staring into her eyes, gripping onto her biceps, stroking her stomach, scratching the back of her neck, holding her hand, watching her smile. She missed every little thing about her it was becoming ridiculous. She even missed their arguments because she was simply that desperate to see her. She missed her girlfriend, if she could even call her that. 

—————

“Party at my place tonight.” He tried to say it as casually as possible while making sure he didn’t scare her away. 

“Don’t feel like it.” She replied as she huffed while throwing a left hook at the punching bag. Lincoln glanced over at her from the punching bag he was currently using. It was obvious to him that she’s falling down back to where she started when Costia was out of her life. 

“It’s my birthday. It’s your job as my lezbro to get drunk with me.” He said in a playful voice carefully watching her reaction. He swallowed his disappointment as her face remained stoic. She sighed as she dodged from the invisible punch and threw a low right hook followed by two left jabs. 

“I might pop in for a few minutes to steal your booze.” Her face was emotionless but she opened her eyes up to Lincoln as she glanced at him. A small smile found its way to his face as he looked down closing his eyes thanking the Gods. 

—————

“She’s going to be there. I can’t go, O.” Octavia rolled her eyes at her best friends antics and sighed walking over to her. 

“It’s been a week, Clarke. I’m pretty sure you have to face her sometime soon. You haven't broken up.” Clarke rolled her eyes this time and sat up on the couch. 

“We weren’t even official.” The blonde sighed groaning at herself once again. The brunette watched her with a sad smile. She had no idea how to help her best friend. She just wanted to see her happy and Clarke was happiest with Lexa. 

“Exactly! It’s not that deep, Clarke. Just go to the party. If you don't see her, great. If you do then don’t make it awkward just keep it casual. Try rebuild what you had or not. You were happier with her in her life whether it was friends or more.”

—————

The question was in her eyes but she refused to give in and ask. He knew it was coming soon no matter what she tried to convince herself to do. She was helping him set up like she always does. And by set up she means sitting there drinking all the Whiskey. 

“So. Who is coming?” He looked over with a raised eyebrow. She glared at him daring him to tease her. She gulped down the cup and poured herself another one. 

“Don’t finish my Whiskey. And she’ll be here. Don’t let it phase you, just have fun.” She looked down and glared into her cup. She twirled it watching the dark liquid swirl. Her glare turned into a soft, vulnerable frown. She sighed and shut her eyes tight taking another sip. 

—————

It’s been an hour into the party and everyone was drunk already. Groups were scattered around the house - of course no one was allowed upstairs. Lexa was sitting in the kitchen on the counter refusing to move from her space. She was drunk before the party even started but she refused to be one of the those girls and end up sleeping with a random person while screaming out Clarke’s name. She shook her head at the familiarity of the scene. This was where she met Clarke. 

“You’re really hot.” His floppy hair was the first thing that put her off. Then it was the alcohol on his breath. And finally it was his cocky smirk. She glared at him and watching him step back with a little fear on his face. He chuckled nervously and stumbled back tripping over someone’s feet. 

“I hate everyone.” She said quietly as she sipped on her water bottle trying to sober up. She almost jumped at the familiar husky voice that appeared from behind her. 

“Even me?” She turned her head around to find the source of the voice. Blue. Blue was the first thing that came to mind as she stared into the eyes she’d been longing for. She jumped off the counter and faced the blonde. “Do you hate me, Lexa?” Her voice was slightly playful but Lexa could here the truth to the words. 

“I wish I could.” The words came out before she could stop them. She watching as hurt flashed in blue eyes making them darker. “Maybe it would have made this week easier.” She said while keeping her eyes connected with Clarke’s. She didn’t want to say the words and ruin everything. But she wanted Clarke to know how she feels. 

“It was nice seeing you, Lexa.” She said with a small and sad smile before leaning up and leaving a kiss on her cheek. Lexa’s breath hitched as she closed her eyes hiding her emotions - or trying to. The kiss was longer than expected as Clarke pulled away slightly only to rest her forehead on Lexa’s cheek. She felt a wet drop land on her forehead and felt comfortable enough to let her own pain stain her cheeks. She shut her eyes tight allowing herself to get lost in Lexa’s touch once again. She felt strong yet gentle hands grip onto her shoulders tightly before relaxing and settling around her upper back. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Lexa said after a minute of holding onto Clarke. It was silent in their ears while the world around them was loud. The only thing heard loud and clear were their soft voices and fast heartbeats. 

“Don’t say anything.” Clarke begged as she removed her head and looked up at Lexa. Her eyes studied her face fast as if scared of losing this chance again. She never wanted to let this amazing view slip through her fingers again. Lexa refused to listen to Clarke or her head. This time it was heart over head. 

“I love you.” 3 words was all it took. Lips on lips is all they wanted as eyes widened at the confession. Blue eyes met green. They both felt each other move closer. Breath was exchanged. Lexa bumped her nose with Clarke’s softly letting a small smile find it’s way onto her face. Lexa’s arms wrapped around Clarke’s waist pulling her impossibly closer to her. Clarke held her hands behind Lexa’s neck and softly let her nails scratch the back of her back trailed down. Blue eyes watching green disappear and closed her own eyes. 1 inch was all that was left. 

BANG!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

Heads snapped and screams filled their ears. They were forced out of their own world as they frantically looked around to find the source of the sound. Floppy hair and red eyes. They saw him on the ground eyes shutting slowly as his head was moved side to side almost snapping his neck. Lincoln was on top of him an angered expression on his face. Lexa saw the discarded gun on the floor near him and ran to grab it. She quickly looked around to see who was hurt but only saw a hole tearing through the ceiling. A sigh of relief was let out before she even realised she was holding it in. 

“Lincoln! Stop! You’re gonna kill him!” Octavia’s screams were heard as she gripped onto his arms trying to pull him back. He shrugged her off and continued letting his fists take control. Finn was well over passed out by now. His face was smudged red and leaking onto the wooden floor from his nose and mouth. Lexa ran and shoved Lincoln off landing on top of him. 

“Control yourself!” She screamed out and everyone was silent. Lincoln was breathing heavily shaking his head trying to shake out the anger. He looked up at Lexa with a glare but softened his gaze when he saw the intense worry in her eyes. The party was slowly starting to clear out leaving Lincoln and Lexa on the floor exchanging words through looks. Finn was on the floor unmoved. Clarke was standing where Lexa left her still covering her mouth. Octavia was standing beside the pair on the floor with tears falling down her cheeks. Their normal group were scattered around - Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Nathan, Monroe and Harper. The one person left that no one payed much attention to but were surprised none the less was Raven which was also crying. 

“I’m fine.” Lincoln said reassuring Lexa who didn’t believe it as he told her through his eyes. She shook her head refusing to get up before he slightly sat up. “I’m fine, Lexa.” He said in a stronger tone and gave it a few seconds. Lexa slowly rolled off of him and sat on the floor holding the gun in her hands. She looked down at it and let familiar thoughts trail through her head. 

“Who was he aiming for?” Lexa asked in an emotionless voice. Lincoln looked over at her. She gave him a knowing look but still questionable. He nodded his head with a sigh. She gave him a tight smile and nodded softly before standing up. She walked over to Finn. Her eyes were hard and cold. Eyebrows were scrunched together not out of confusion. Her face was red covered with a thin layer of sweat. Knuckles were digging into her palms turning white. Her other hand was clenched around the gun as she slowly moved her hand. She froze. Everyone froze. Everything froze. And suddenly, she dropped the gun next to his head into the small pool of blood. 

—————

The stars always calmed her. Looking up at them she imagined what other life she was living in an alternative universe. There must be another her. She wondered if that other her found a love too. She wondered in that other her had a Costia, still has a Costia. Maybe they didn’t have a Costia, maybe they had a Clarke. Maybe they still do. Does she? 

“Lexa?” That voice answered the question for her. She turned to find Clarke nervously standing at the edge of the window. She smiled softly and motioned for her to climb onto the roof next to her. Clarke settled down next to her to lay down on the roof. She moved over slightly to cuddle up to Lexa. The brunette put her arm down and Clarke lay her head on her chest. Lexa curled her arms around her and pulled her closer to her. They lay down in silence staring up at the stars. 

“C-Can I read you a poem I once wrote?” Lexa asked nervously keeping her eyes up at the stars. Clarke looked up with a small smile. 

“Yes.” The brunette took a deep breath a minute later and shifted slightly as the cold blew against her. 

“I used to count the stars at night  
Joining up the dots with my mind  
Creating a beautiful message  
Or an image that was designed  
By a person full of life

Now I count the scars at night  
Joining up the dots with the knife  
Creating an ugly message  
Or an image that was designed  
By a person wasting their life” 

Clarke looked up at Lexa. Green refused to meet blue as tears streamed down the side of her head. Her eyes concentrated on the bright white’s in the sky. Each had it’s own story. Learning those stories comforted her. But now she was only seeking comfort from Clarke. She was addicted to her and there was no going back. There’s no rehab to get over those blue eyes that are just so easy to get lost in. 

“It’s beautiful.” Her body physically relaxed as she let out the breath she’d been holding. Clarke smiled and leaned up kissing her jaw softly. Hearing Clarke say that about her vulnerability was surprising and one of the best things anyone has said to her. She felt herself fall for the girl even more and sighed in content. Clarke mimicked her sigh and cuddled further into the girl. She raised her hand and put it on her stomach. Her fingers marked around the defined abs as Lexa closed her eyes and relaxed under Clarke’s touch. 

“I could have died.” Her voice was breaking the more she thought about it. The blonde looked up at her and stilled her hand. She laid another soft kiss on her jaw and on every piece of skin she could find from her position. “I could have killed him.” Her voice cracked as a sob escaped her throat. She turned her head the opposite side cursing herself for not being about to control herself. As if Clarke read her mind she put her hand on shaking cheeks and moved her head. Blue met green. 

“It’s ok to be vulnerable with me.” Lexa nodded as she bit her lip listening to Clarke’s words. “Let go, Lexa. I’m not leaving.” Lexa shut her eyes tight before opening them. Clarke saw they were wet just moments away from pouring. “I love you, Lexa.” She let out a breath and began sobbing with her eyes shut. She buried her head in Clarke’s hair. The blonde moved her hand to the back of Lexa’s next whispering in her ear. 

“I-I’m so sorry.” She managed to gasp out between her hard cries. Clarke sighed and moved her body up to allow Lexa access to her neck. The brunette moved her head there letting warm droplets hit warm skin. 

—————

“Linc, stop holding back. You’re not fine.” He groaned and pulled his head into his hands. Octavia shook her head and sat next to her boyfriend. She hooked her arm around his bicep and put her hand on his shoulder.

“Octavia, I’m fine. I was just angry, ok? Of course I’m going to be angry; he crashed my party, with a gun, and tried to shoot my best friend.” His voice became louder when he mentioned Lexa. Octavia took note of this and gripped onto his arm. 

“So it’s about Lexa then?” She said softly watching him sit up and look up at the ceiling. She waited patiently for him to talk. He stood up and paced around the room before turning the light off and going to put on the small lamp. “Lincoln? Please talk to me.” She was practically begging him. She’s never seen this protective side of him when it came to Lexa because the occasion hadn't really came up. 

“He was going to shoot her.” He said as he sat back down. “She could have died.” Octavia stood up and went to lean down on her knees in front of Lincoln. “If I didn’t stop him-” 

“Don’t say that, Linc. You stopped him, ok? You stopped him, there is no what if.” He nodded and took in a deep breath. “She’s ok. You’re ok. We’re all ok.” 

—————

“Why are you here?” She payed no attention to them as she leaned down to sit next to Finn sobbing. Her vision was blurry but she could see everything clearly now. Rage was slowly filling in her but she couldn't stop the angry tears from escaping. 

“I tried to stop him.” She whispered out to no one in particular. It was more like she was trying to convince herself that she done the right thing. 

“Raven. Why are you here?” His voice was harsher as he stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned around at his touch and wiped her tears away. She looked up at him and a small smile appeared at the sight of his bushy hair.

“Bell, I’m so sorry.” He shook his head and sighed before sitting down next to her holding his knees up to his chest. Monty, Jasper and Nathan were in the kitchen with sad expression along with a pack of beers. Monroe and Harper were sitting on a sofa cuddling up both with tears streaking down their cheeks. Murphy was acting nonchalant pacing around but it was clear in his eyes that he was terrified, hurt and completely shocked. 

“Why?” He asked one last time earning a sigh in response. Raven looked down at Finn with a sad smile and moved his hair out of his face. He twitched slightly but she knew he wouldn’t be up for a while. 

“He never stops talking about her, you know? He loves her and he always has, always will. And I actually had hope. I thought he could love me but all he did was use me over and over again.” Bellamy listened intently and watching as her eyebrows crunched together. “It’s as simple as this; Lexa was a threat he wanted to eliminate. He was an obsession with Clarke. He wants her and will do anything to get her. But I tried to stop him.” It was only then that Bellamy began to notice the faint bruises on Raven’s face and neck then disappearing under her shirt. “He just won’t listen. He just gets angry and angry and hurts anyone that gets in his path.” 

“He hurt you, didn’t he?” He was afraid of the answer but asked it anyway. 

“In every way possible.” That was all he needed to know before he nodded and turned his head to the sound of police sirens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you guys. What should I do about Raven and Finn? I want to involve Raven back into the squad slowly but surely, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. 
> 
> BTW: Yes, I wrote that poem. 
> 
> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: BLOOD/VIOLENCE - MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

The sun burst through the window commanding attention from the two girls on the bed. But they payed no attention to it. In fact, they barely saw the sun; all they could see was each other. Blue searching in green. Searching for answers to unasked questions. Searching for hope in a place of no light. Searching for light in a place of darkness. Blue poured into green and became the light. 

“Morning.” She whispered softly against her lips. They briefly brushed sending a shockwave of sparks running through their bodies. But they remained unfazed by it. 

“Morning.” She replied never letting her blue disconnect with the forest green she was currently staring into. 

“I love you.” Lexa knew that she would never ever get tired of saying those words to Clarke. Seeing the love in her eyes was more than enough to keep Lexa going. It was more than enough to give her the strength she was lacking. It was more than enough to make her want to live, not survive. 

“I love you.” She mimicked her words with a small smile. The grin grew bigger and bigger as Lexa rubbed their noses together softly. She was scared to kiss her. Lips brushes don’t count. Neck kisses don't count. She has yet to kiss Clarke and it was driving her crazy. But she was scared. 

“Don’t leave me.” She was scared of blue leaving green. Once they colour leaves then so will the light. 

“I won’t.” She promised as she closed the space between them. Their eyes slowly fluttered before closing. The kiss was soft and spoke to the other with the crazy amount of passion that was being poured into it. It was a lazy kiss; they didn’t get any sleep last night refusing to break eye contact. 

“I missed you.” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s lips as she softly sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. She bit down on it gently and licked her tongue over it. Clarke hummed in content and smiled against soft lips. 

“I missed you.” She whispered back before relaxing and softly brushing her lips over Lexa’s. A few minutes later without breaking apart their lips the girls slowly began closing their eyes and relaxing their bodies. Sleep took over connecting lips to lips, body to body, heart to heart. 

—————

The peaked through the house forcing the hungover young adults to wake up to reality. The first to wake up were Monty, Jasper and Nathan. They quickly got dressed and decided to leave before anyone woke up. Next was Lincoln. 

“Morning.” He whispered to his sleeping girlfriend while laying a kiss on her cheek. She remained unstirred and continued to sleep. He smiled softly before carefully leaving his bed and putting on the closest t-shirt he could find. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen and looked around to see who was still there. Monroe and Harper were on the couch cuddled up, Murphy was passed out on the floor next to them, Raven and Bellamy weren’t there so he guessed they went to sleep in his guest bedrooms. Monty and Jasper both texted him telling him they went home. He decided to get started on breakfast and went to the fridge to collect everything. He refused to look at the stinking spot on the floor where Finn was before the police and ambulance took him. He felt an overwhelming amount of guilt and he has a terrible feeling that it won’t go away for a while. Yes, Finn was a horrible person but he didn’t deserve that. He practically almost killed him because he lost control. 

“Hey.” He heard a nervous voice to his left and turned his head while pulling out eggs. He put them on the counter and saw Raven standing with there hands clasped in front of her. “I’m just gonna head out.” Lincoln shook his head.

“Stay; eat something.” She was hesitant but nodded and took a seat on a bar stool. She watched as Lincoln grabbed some ingredients for pancakes. 

“I’m sorry. About everything.” Lincoln looked over at Raven and gave her a sad half-smile. “I know I hurt Octavia. And I should probably apologise to her. And Clarke. And well everyone.” Lincoln nodded and said nothing as he began mixing the ingredients. After a few minutes he put the bacon in the oven and decided to speak up.

“You don’t owe me an apology. But I owe you one.” Raven looked at him with a confused expression. “I hurt Finn more than I should have. I lost control when I shouldn’t have.” Raven shook her head and looked at him with a guilty expression this time. 

“You don’t owe me anything. He deserved everything that’s coming to him.” Raven subconsciously held onto her stomach with a flinch thinking back to bad memories that she wished were just nightmares. 

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Raven looked down and shook her head in disbelief. Lincoln narrowed his eyes as he felt anger rise in him once again. “Raven, just tell me the truth.” 

“He did.” He bit his bottom lip and shook his head once again. “Don’t worry; I’m fine.” She wasn’t.

—————

3 hours later everyone but Clexa - as Octavia decide to name them - were awake. The only people left in the house were Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy and Raven. They had a long talk but Octavia was the only one who refused to speak to Raven. She didn’t even want to hear anything she had to say and stayed in Lincoln’s room to avoid Raven. 

“Can I come in?” Octavia turned her head at the voice. She faced the door and narrowed her eyes at Raven. The girl’s eyes were red and puffy and makeup free. She looked tired by the bags under her eyes and the crustiness of her skin. 

“There’s nothing more you could say to me.” Raven raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

“Nothing more? More? You didn’t even give me a chance to speak.” Octavia stood up from the bed and slowly walked over to Raven. “Please just listen to me.” Octavia looked her up and down with narrowed eyes.

“What could you possible say to make any of this better? First turning into the biggest bitch. Hurting Clarke by sleeping with Finn. Then you go for it instead of backing off and apologising. Now crashing the party with Finn resulting in someone almost dying. And now you’re refusing to leave? You’re making everything worse for yourself. And for everything involved. If Clarke knew you’re still here she’d go crazy.” She rambled on as tears began steaming down her face. She furiously rubbed her eyes as Raven frowned and looked down. 

“I couldn’t leave.” Octavia looked up to look at Raven. She moved back and sat down on the floor with her back to the bed. Raven walked in and shut the door sitting with her back to the door. “He kissed me. You knew, Octavia. You knew that I loved him from the moment I saw him. But he just didn’t see me that way.” The girl was suddenly intrigued and looked up at Raven. 

“I’m listening.” She encouraged the girl to carry on and watching as she took in a deep breath looking up trying to stop the tears from building up.

“He was drunk when it happened. Really, really drunk. And it was my mistake to let it happen. I just loved him so much and was blinding by it. I convinced myself it was good but it wasn’t. It was barely consensual. It was-” She stopped herself before saying the word. She didn’t want to call it that. She refused to call it that. 

“Raven-” Raven shook her head to stop Octavia from talking. She didn’t want her sympathy. She just wanted to explain herself.

“I’m not going to blame him and say that he forced me, because he didn’t at the start. You know me, well, knew me. I could easily block him out if I really wanted to.” Octavia nodded her head in understanding. “So I got too into it. I loved the attention and lost my friends because of it.” Octavia gave her a sad smile and looked down. 

“I still don’t understand why you turned into a bitch. Why were you so rude and just cut us out like that?” She was trying to understand but it was simply difficult. How can she forgive someone like that?

“It was his influence. He’s an asshole that’s just how it is. And I guess I just let it cloud my own judgment.” Octavia shook her head and continued to look down refusing to believe what she was hearing. “I’m sorry.” Raven whispered loud enough for Octavia to hear. 

“Sorry doesn’t do anything, Raven. It doesn’t prove that you’ve changed.” Raven nodded with a tight yet understanding smile. 

“I know. It’s just the right thing to say.” After a few minutes of silence Octavia spoke up once again. 

“Why did you stay for so long with him? If you could clearly see he was changing you should have left.” Octavia noticed how Raven tensed up at the question. “Raven? What’s going on?” Tears began to form at the memories again as she shut her eyes tight. 

“He hurt me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS! : ATTEMPTED RAPE - PHYSICAL VIOLENCE 
> 
> This chapter is heavy on flashbacks of Raven and her relationship with Finn. 
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

*FLASHBACK*

“Babe, stop it.” Clarke giggled out as Finn nibbled on her neck from behind. They were waiting in line for the ferris wheel along with the rest of their group. Raven watched them trying to hide the jealousy in her eyes but it was clear to everyone how she felt. 

“Make me.” He challenged with a cocky smirk when Clarke turned around and kissed him. He grabbed onto her waist and pulled her roughly to his hips. This was when Raven turned away and mumbled.

“I’m not feeling well; gonna go to the bathroom.” Everyone nodded sympathetically apart from Clarke and Finn. Octavia watching her go before looking up to Lincoln. 

“Go.” He nodded in the direction Raven stumbled to. Octavia gave him a quick peck on the lips before rushing after Raven. 

“Rae, wait for me.” Raven didn’t stop but slowed down as she wiped her tears. Octavia caught up to her catching her breath. “Damn. I really need to go back to the gym.” She let out a breathy laugh and looked over at Raven who had a small smile on her face. “You ok?” 

“Yep. I’m tots feeling super brilliant right now.” She said with sarcasm dripping out of her voice. She groaned out while sitting down at the nearest bench. Octavia sat down next to her and looked up watching the rollercoasters. “It just hurts, you know?” Raven shook her head as she rubbed at her eyes. She looked up and laughed out loud. “Fucking hell. Why am I getting so emotional over this shit?” Octavia wrapped her arm around Raven’s shoulders. 

“Because it hurts. And you don’t know how to deal with it without hurting your friends.” Raven nodded at Octavia’s words while resting her head on Octavia’s shoulder. She sighed as the girl pulled her head in and rested her own on top of it. “I’m always here for you when you need me, ok?” Raven nodded while a teardrop fell down hitting the ground. 

“Ok.” 

*END FLASHBACK*

—————

She woke to darkness and confusion was written all over her face. She moaned as she stretched her arm softly without being about to move her right one. She looked over and a grin appeared on her face at the sight of Clarke asleep on her arm cuddled up to her. 

“How did I get so lucky?” She whispered to herself as she leaned down to lay a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek. She trailed her kisses down to her jaw and smiled against her neck when she felt her stir. 

“Mhm. Good morning.” Clarke’s husky voice spoke out as Lexa softly sucked on her neck. She mumbled against her skin as Clarke moved her head to open her neck for more space. 

“It’s not morning anymore.” Clarke smiled and gasped as Lexa gently bit down on her neck. She soothed it with her warm tongue before sucking at it again. 

“Someone’s eager today.” Her voice was teasing and playful as she smiled and moved her hand to Lexa’s stomach. She felt Lexa tense under her touch before relaxing her muscles. Lexa lifted her head and smirked at the mark she left on Clarke’s neck. “You’re such an idiot.” Clarke shook her head with a knowing smile on her face. Lexa chuckled and moaned softly as she buried her face in Clarke’s neck. 

“I wanna stay here with you forever. In this lifetime and the next.” Clarke smiled softly at her words before sighing in content. “But we’re gonna have to get up, aren't we?” Clarke laughed and nodded. 

“Mhm.” Lexa groaned out and shook her head. She kissed Clarke’s neck and rubbed her nose against it. “I love you so much.” Lexa smiled uncontrollably at Clarke’s words and lifted her head from Clarke’s neck. She looked down at her and rubbed their noses together. 

“I love you too.” She kissed her softly before a loud banging on the door pulled them apart. 

“Wake up, lovebirds! We have a lot to talk about.” Lexa sighed as she heard Lincoln called out before shaking her head and getting out of bed. She walked to the door and opened it coming face to face with Lincoln. “Morning. Well, afternoon.” He said with a cheeky smile. Lexa shook her head at him with her own grin and shoved him slightly.

“I hate you.” Lincoln chuckled before making his way downstairs. 

“Meet us in the living room.” Lexa nodded in conformation before closing the door and facing Clarke once again. She saw the blonde stretched out on the bed arching her back before dropped back down with a groan. She then smiled at Lexa before sitting up and walking into the small bathroom that was connected to the room.

“I got a few clothes around here, if you want to get changed?” Lexa asked Clarke through the door as she made her way to the wardrobe. She spent a lot of time in Lincoln’s house so this room was practically hers.

“Anything comfortable and baggy.” Clarke shouted through the door and Lexa couldn't help the smile on her face at their interaction. She pulled out a plain black hoodie along with baggy white shorts. She put them on the bed for Clarke and found a white tank top and grey jogging bottoms for herself.

—————

*FLASHBACK*

It was dark almost midnight when she heard the banging on the door. She was slightly scared but she knew she could handle her own. She walked over to the door cautiously before peaking through the peephole. Finn was standing there with droopy eyes and a beer bottle in his hand. 

“Finn? What are you doing here?” She asked once she opened the door. He gave her a goofy grin as he walked in with arms open wide. 

“Raven! You gorgeous specimen.” He said as he tightly wrapped his arms around her. Raven knew it was wrong but she felt an ego boost by his words. She smiled and allowed him to hug her. 

“What’s up, Finn?” She asked curiously while patting his back. He moaned softly as he buried his face in her neck. She felt his dribble on her neck and slightly cringed but put her hands in his hair nonetheless. The smell of alcohol was reeking from him but she ignored it. 

“She won’t sleep with me. I know she loves me but maybe it’s not enough yet.” Finn murmured against her neck before pulling away slightly. He looked at Raven through blurry eyes. She looked back with wide eyes. 

“Umm. I don’t know how I can help you with that, Finn. I’m sorry.” She said faking sympathy. She’s just glad that there’s one thing about Clarke that isn’t perfect. She hated admitting it but she was jealous of her because of Finn choosing her. 

“Yes you do.” He murmured once more before his eyes trailed down to her lips. She knew what was coming but didn’t have the moral strength to stop it. She leaned in once she saw him leaning in too and connected her lips with his. It was sloppy and all over the place. He probably wouldn’t remember it the next morning. But it would be scarred into Raven’s memories.

“We shouldn’t do this.” Raven begged while she pushed him back slightly. His eyes were filled with lust and anger as he growled and stumbled forward onto her. They both fell onto the floor with a thud. “Ow! Finn, stop.” He ignored her words and bit down on her lips hard. It was hard enough for Raven to cry out in pain while drawing blood out. 

“Don’t lie to me. You wanna do this.” His words were slurred and his tone was hard. He grunted while moving his hands down Raven’s body. He gripped onto her shirt lifting it up. Raven tried pulling his hands off but she failed. She looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes. After a few seconds she sighed and decide to give in. He took off his own shirt and pants leaving him in his boxers. He pulled off Raven’s shirt and bottoms leaving her in her underwear. A tear dropped from her eyes when he landed on top of her with a smirk. Raven tried to control the tears but they wouldn’t stop falling. He stood up once more after a few neck bites and struggled to pull off his boxers. While trying to kick them off he trips over his legs and falls flat on his face. Silence was present while they both remained unmoved. Raven let out the sigh of relief she didn’t realise she was holding in. It was over. For now. 

*END FLASHBACK*

—————

“What is she doing here?” Anger was present in her voice as she growled and froze in her position at the bottom of the stairs. Lexa came down behind her and held onto her waist. She looked over at Raven with a confused expression and nervous expression too. 

“Clarke, stay calm, ok?” Clarke looked over at Octavia with complete shock on her face. 

“Are you being serious right now? What the fuck, O?!” Octavia flinched back at the harshness of her words. Clarke took a step down the stairs away from Lexa’s touch. She carefully watched everyone’s expressions. Lincoln was sympathetic, Octavia was confusion while Bellamy was simply sad. Raven was the only one who refused to look at Clarke. 

“Babe?” Clarke didn’t turn around to answer Lexa. She stepped down and slowly walked over to Raven. She could hear Lexa’s footsteps behind her. She came to a stop in front of Raven. The brunette looked up at her with a pained expression. 

“I’m sor-” Her words were cut off by a smack to the face. Everyone jumped at the sound. Bellamy and Lexa were by the girls in a matter of seconds. Lexa behind Clarke. Bellamy in front of Raven. Lexa looked at him in confusion before looking back at Raven. “Is this how you’re going to be?” Clarke whispered to him, the pain was present in her voice. He looked down at her with a gulp.

“Please listen to her side of it.” Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Please.” He was begging her but she wouldn’t listen. She refused to listen. She stepped back into Lexa’s arms. The brunette was pushed off as Clarke ran back up the stairs and closed the door with a loud thud. 

“I think you should try another day, yeah?” Lincoln said while walked over to Raven. She nodded and soon left the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your opinions are what builds the story.
> 
> ON A SERIOUS NOTE I BARELY HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO WRITE THIS SO IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO IDK MAYBE CO-WRITE IT WITH ME THEN PLEASE CONTACT THROUGH ANYTHING SHOWN FROM THE NOTES IN THE BEGINNING
> 
> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm super SUPER sorry for the really REALLY late update! I have barely got any time between revising for my exams, trying to get sleep, maintaining a social life and balancing all that together. BUT I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!!!!  
> I now have co-writer! She's amazingly talented, trust me on this! She has both a FF.net account and an AO3 account, you should check her out! Her name is KellyDeaux for both of her accounts. She also has two Clexa fanfics that you should go check out! I'll link her below! 
> 
> ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER YAAAAAS! 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/KellyDeaux/pseuds/KellyDeaux
> 
> TUMBLR: 5-puthyyy  
> SC: noor-nhz  
> IG: n.m.xo  
> TWITTER: @DemiIsAGoddess5

A week later and things were going strong between Lexa and Clarke. The pair were getting closer and closer spending every single day together. Keeping them apart was practically impossible. They’d been hanging out mostly with Lincoln and Octavia, either watching movies or going out to dinner, on occasion to the club.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Lincoln asked leaning against the counter with Octavia between his legs leaning her back against his chest. Lexa walked in from the room and sat down on the couch next to Clarke. She wrapped her arm around the blonde’s shoulders and smiled contently, admiring the way her and Clarke’s bodies fit together like they were moulded for each other.

“Can we just order in?” Clarke asked while leaning her head on Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette grinned and leaned her head on Clarke’s. She laid a few soft kisses on her forehead and licked it playfully earning a smack on the chest and giggle from the blonde. Lincoln watched them with a small smile on his face. He was proud of how far his best friend had come to finally get some happiness. 

“I actually have a better idea. Why don’t we get the squad over and have a movie night with a few beers and pizza?” Octavia asked as she walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of Clarke and Lexa. She looked at them nervously, as if waiting for approval to ask her next question. 

“Yeah, that sounds chill.” Clarke grinned as she nodded and closed her eyes with a happy sigh. Life was treating her well these days and she could finally honestly say to herself that she was happy. Lexa loosened her arms around her girlfriend as she looked at Octavia knowing her question already. 

“Can I invite Raven?” Her head shot right up off of Lexa’s shoulder simple so she could glare at Octavia with wide and threatening eyes. She sat up and leaned forward on the couch allowing Lexa to move her arms away and move further away from Clarke on the couch. “Just think about hearing her out. If you don’t want to talk to her then don’t but just at least try. Let her talk. Baby steps.” Octavia rambled on slightly scared at Clarke’s reaction. She really just wanted the blonde to listen to Raven’s side of the story. She missed their usual banter and how strong their friendship used to be.

“I can’t forgive her, Octavia.” The blonde stood up and walked over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Lincoln leaned off the counter and walked over to Clarke. 

“Not yet. Because you don’t know why she did what she did. You just assumed the worst and stuck to that.” Lincoln said with a soft smile. Clarke sighed angrily and closed the fridge door. She leaned against the fridge as she took a sip of her water. “I’m not saying that you should forgive her straight away; it does take time. But at least try. Your friendship is worth more than this.” It took a few moments for Clarke to finally nod in acceptance. 

—————

She took in a deep breath and rubbed her hands over her shirt to straighten it out. Her hands were already sticky with sweat and so was the rest of her body. She couldn’t help feeling nervous over finally getting a chance at talking to Clarke. 

“It’s gonna go smoothly. We’re all gonna be ok. Just remember that it takes time, ok? So don’t be disappointed if her reaction isn’t the best.” Raven turned to look at Bellamy and nodded at his words with a small smile. She leaned up to wrap her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. Her face dug deep into his chest. She missed this affection, she missed his affection. He was hesitant at first, slight taken back, but he then wrapped his arms around her waist. His eyes shut tight as he embraced the brunette. 

“Thank you.”

—————

It was silent - apart from the booming music - and it was definitely and awkward one. Clarke was sat on the counter in the kitchen with Lexa standing between her legs, back facing Clarke. They both had a beer in their hands, one was sipping at it while the other chugged beer after beer glaring at the back of a slightly shaking head. Raven was sat on an armchair with her legs crossed over each other. Bellamy was standing near the window also with a beer in his hand. His eyes kept drifting from Clarke to Raven. Lincoln and Octavia were both sitting next to each other on the couch with Jasper and Monty on the floor playing video games. 

“You gonna talk to her or not?” Lexa whispered while turning her body to face Clarke. She placed the beer on the counter next to Clarke’s thigh and put her hands on her thighs. She leaned forward pressing a soft kiss on Clarke’s collarbone. She knew that Clarke needed a little push to calm down, push her anger aside and talk to Raven. 

“Mmm, well she’s the one who needs to do the talking. I have nothing left to say to her.” Clarke all but whispered while hardening her glare to the back of Raven’s head. Lexa sighed and shook her head before grabbing the beer and taking a long sip. 

“Come on.” She said holding her hand out. Clarke looked at for a second before hesitantly grabbing it, allowing Lexa to drag her down off of the counter. Clarke groaned internally and walked over to where Raven was sitting. They remained in their spots eying each other up. Lexa gestured for everyone to either leave for a few minutes or hide somewhere in the apartment. 

“Talk.” 

—————

Clarke listened silently to everything Raven said, remaining impassive throughout every second of it. It was only because she was more-or-less strong armed by her friends into listening that she was even in the same room as her former friend. Raven put on a good act, though, that was for damn certain. Cue the tears when she painted Finn out to be some kind of abusive asshole. It took every ounce of the blonde's strength not to snap at her as she spoke because she knew that Raven was no victim, that she was playing a game of blame filled with lies. This just proved to Clarke that Raven was exactly what she thought she was; a manipulative, selfish bitch. Raven wasn't the one who was lied to and betrayed by someone who you called you’re best friend trusting them with your life, nor was she the one who was put down and humiliated time and time again; viewed as nothing more than a play thing for someone's entertainment. 

"Are you finished?" Clarke bit out harshly when Raven finally quieted down. The brunette, whose eyes were trained on the floor almost submissively, meekly nodded in response. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, her breathing was laboured, and she was shaking slightly as she fought not to breakdown.

Immune to what Clarke truly felt to be nothing more than an act, the blonde huffed out a frustrated sigh that she had been holding in and squared her jaw. She had spent the better part of the hour schooling her emotions, keeping every bit of anger and frustration and betrayal and hurt unnoticeable. Thankfully she remained quiet up until a moment ago, so she didn't have to worry about keeping her voice void of emotion. Now, however, she was in trouble because she wanted to yell at Raven until her face was as blue as her eyes.

Clarke sat up straighter in her chair, spotting Lexa still sitting quietly beside her. She was thankful to have the green-eyed woman with her because without even knowing it, Lexa was grounding her.

Setting her focus back on Raven, the blonde couldn't help but scoff. As much as Clarke wanted to remain stoic in her response, she couldn't help the venom that laced around her words, "You've wasted a whole hour of my time with this lying sham." She let out a hysterical, barking laugh that sounded more like a cat being strangled and thrown to wolves. "Don't you get how pathetic it is to play the victim act?" She paused, huffing an exaggerated sigh before glaring at Raven with her next words, "I think you should leave. Now.” Gritting her teeth, Clarke bit back everything she so desperately wanted to say to her former friend and instead began grinding her jaw back and forth in annoyed frustration. She was seething with rage, blinded by a deep level of hurt betrayal that she didn't see or hear the truth in Raven's words. All she could see was a deceitful liar.

It registered to Raven that everything she said fell upon mostly deaf ears and she struggled not to flinch as Clarke's words hit her like acid to the face. The brunette stole a glance up to Clarke and thereafter Lexa, seeing the latter give an uncomfortable, almost apologetic look. Clearly she was only sitting there because she cared for Clarke, not because she wanted to be in the middle of the dramatics. However, she did seem understanding as she subtly shook her head with a barely visible, sad smile. Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke’s hand and pulled her closer to her. The blonde immediately hid her face in Lexa’s shoulder still grumbling. 

"I–I'll just go," Raven said, her voice hushed and husky from forcing herself not to fall apart. She didn't bother waiting for a response, knowing that one wouldn't be granted because Clarke seen her as nothing more than an annoyance––gum littering the bottom of a fancy shoe. Absentmindedly she hoped that one day Clarke would see the truth because all she wanted was her friend back; she'd lost so much getting in bed, literally and figuratively, with Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE COMMENTS AND KUDOS


End file.
